


Kissed Opportunity

by finncore



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Childhood Friends, Crushes, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Multi, Never Have I Ever, Party Games, Pre-Relationship, Sloppy Makeouts, but like only once and it was macy and tut obviously, this isnt my usual oc canon but then again do i ever? HA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:07:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24219382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finncore/pseuds/finncore
Summary: It was in the calm moment before Macy spoke that Eli realized that this train had completely derailed. With yours truly as the captain, she was intent to bring everyone down with her in a selfish act of self preservation. Oh, if only Tut knew what he had wrought, maybe he would have kept his fucking mouth shut…A group of friends decide to play a game of Never Have I Ever, without realizing a simple game would change their relationships between each other forever."Anybody else a fan of those really niche one-shot fics that are simultaneously a little moody and angsty while being exceptionally tender and sexy. They're always like 20k words and absolutely nothing happens plot-wise except feelings and stuff."-virginasummer on TumblrThat's what this is.Macy, Eli and Tim belong to me. Tut belongs to Umbra, popsocks.
Relationships: Elijah Rivera/Timothy Olsson, Elijah Rivera/Tut Ulam, Macy Ellis/Elijah Rivera, Macy Ellis/Elijah Rivera/Timothy Olsson/Tut Ulam, Macy Ellis/Timothy Olsson, Macy Ellis/Tut Ulam, Original Character(s)/Original Character(s), Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character, Tut Ulam/Timothy Olsson, aaand sprinkling in some, they're not cis tho lol
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [popsocks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/popsocks/gifts), [theo_bear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theo_bear/gifts).



> I feel like I should mention that this fic was not supposed to turn out the way it did - at all. This thing basically wrote itself, all I did was optimize it and think of words. It was supposed to be a relatively short polyamorous fic with all four of them eventually somewhat dating at the end, however as I kept writing, things just fell into place the way it did. It didn't even end up being explicitly poly. This is the product of my devoted love towards my oc's and almost a little bit inspired by what it was like to fall in love with my two best friends. I've gifted the work to them.

“Who’s that? What’s their name?”

“Marina. She’s a cute pink octopus, see?”

“Yeah, she's nice.” 

Eli instinctively rolled his eyes, realizing he had accidentally tuned in to his friends’ conversation again. He had decided earlier that he really didn't give a shit, but it seemed to be better than whatever TikTok’s he could hear from across the room. Eli glanced at the source. Tut, his friend of over a year, had taken up the entire couch trying to pass the time out of boredom. It wasn't much of an issue considering Tim and Macy were on the floor, side by side, engrossed by Tim’s Animal Crossing town. Y’know, the game Eli had been trying to get Tut into for weeks. 

And Macy.

Macy had been his childhood best friend for countless years, a constant in his life that never faltered. Tim, however, was a fresh new addition to their friend group in Eli’s third year that really shook things up a bit. Tut had been squeezed somewhere in there, too. Eli had met Tut during his first year of college. The two quickly became tightly knit friends, an absolute menace to classroom order and attendance. They were soon joined by Macy after she graduated high school. Despite Eli being a year older than Macy, they managed to strike a bond back in the fourth grade during a split class and could never stay separate for long ever since, going so far to be current roommates. 

Eli was still figuring Tim out - sometimes Tut by extension, but he was confident he knew Macy like the back of his hand. 

“I think you’ll like Katt a lot. She’s probably in her house...” 

“Holy shit. She's cool.” 

“Right? She reminds me of you.” 

Eugh. 

“You think so? I guess I can see the resemblance.” Macy shuffled around nervously, unable to focus quite the same as before. She glanced around the room in embarrassment, eventually catching Eli’s intense stare. Whoops. He suspiciously watched her brush back her ridiculously long hair and turn her attention back to Tim’s screen in defeat. 

This had occurred more than once, Eli recalled. It felt like every time something developed in Macy’s relationship with Tim, she would pass a nervous glance in Eli’s direction. What did she want? 

Eli had met Tim in the learning commons, barely a month into the school year. He didn't have Tut or Macy around, so he mostly kept to himself, but wouldn’t refuse to chime in on interesting discussions or insert himself into the usual groups that formed. Tim was the opposite. He was very soft spoken, too nervous to speak unless approached first...except if someone needed something Tim had in spades. It wasn't until Eli had forgotten both his USB _and_ his charger that they hit it off. Tim was...severely overprepared, eager to share any of his abundance of tools and supplies he had stocked up on “just in case”. Eli had planned to introduce Tim to his other friends, but Tut and Macy did the work for him by showing up routinely unannounced during his studying to pick him up to get food.

It actually turned out that Tim and Tut were already acquainted, as Tim was his sort-of roommate (it’s a long story). As a result, their shared group friendship came quickly and naturally.

Maybe Macy was trying to ask for advice? Well, whatever. Eli was not pleased with her right now, or in the past few weeks for that matter, ever since that annoying crush of hers developed in what felt like an instant. 

Eli snapped back to reality. This was boring. Sooooooo boring. He felt the cramp in his fingers worsen from his constant swiping. It was seven now, a wave of quiet ushered over the apartment in the calm of night. Typically their hangout sessions would always fade into something akin to this. But tonight just felt…different. Eli was frustrated and restless. He didn't want to face it, but Eli thought it might have something to with the jealousy that had been steadily building inside him. 

He would've gotten up and made some excuse about being tired just to put an end to this frustrating night until Tut decided to speak up out of nowhere.

“I’m BOREDDD. Do you guys want to play a game?” Tut announced. 

Eli perked up. Finally! Some action! 

“Like, a video game?” Macy asked, an uninterested tone apparent in her voice. Clearly she was having enough fun pretending she liked Animal Crossing to impress her obvious-to-everyone-else-but-Tim crush.

“No, like, a game you play with your mouth.” 

“Holy shit?” Eli blurted out in immediate response. He watched Tut’s pupils shrink as he noticed the looks of the floor dwellers’ faces. 

“NO, uh, y’know, Never Have I Ever?” Tut quickly corrected himself.

Oh, okay. Eli was kind of excited thinking Tut just offered to make out with one of them, (hopefully him), but this works too. 

“How do you play that again?” Macy asked. Of course Macy wouldn’t remember. When was the last time her introverted self had ever been to a party? Actually, had she ever?

“We take turns asking questions, and you put a finger down if you've done it. You start with ten. Person who lasts the longest wins.” Tut explained dryly.

“Aight.”

“Sounds fun!”

“I’m in.” 

Tim excitedly returned his Switch back into his knapsack. Despite no cute animal game Tim had loved to occupy Macy’s fake attention, the two were still as close as ever. Tut sat up from his horizontal lounge, suddenly taking up much less space than before. It looked like Macy tried compensating for her poor height by sitting on her legs instead. Despite Tim being crisscrossed, he still towered over Macy’s small stature. Well, small height wise, but Macy had a much sturdier build than Tim. He looked like a taller toothpick by comparison.

Actually, if Macy ever fell on him, would Tim break?

Eli laughed to himself at the thought. Okay, enough.

Considering Macy’s annoying fascination with her crush, Tut seemed like the more fun choice to be around right now. Eli decided to abandon his beanbag on the floor and sit next to him instead.

“Since I offered the game I’ll start.”

Tim and Eli nodded in agreement. 

“Whatever, just go.” Macy quipped.

“Never have I ever shoplifted.” 

“Easy.” Tim gloated, before watching with wide eyes as Macy slowly put her first finger down.

Eli snorted. He knew the exact memories that line dug up and her rocky past with the law thanks to her ex, Mitch.

“You shoplifted?!” Tim yelled in a shock. He gave Macy a disappointed look.

Tut let out a long and dramatic “oooooooo…” What, he didn't know? He was probably just stirring the pot. 

“Well, uh. Sorry.” Was all Macy could mutter, avoiding Tim’s stare. C’mon. If anyone else had asked about her shoplifting, she would've been metal as hell about it. Seeing Macy bury the best parts of herself simply to impress the “Good Boy” really got on Eli’s nerves, especially considering he knows her the most out of anyone in this room - probably even herself.

Tim didn't pry further, so it ended there, leaving Macy to ask the next question. 

“Hmm...never have I ever...cut my own hair.” 

Eli glanced around the group to catch Tim embarrassedly curl a finger down. He laughed to himself before realizing he had to follow suit as well.

Tut audibly gagged and instinctively grabbed his shoulder length ponytail as if someone had attempted to cut it. Drama laid thick in the air as he whined.

“I'd NEVER cut my own hair, there’s way too high of a chance to fuck it up, and then snakes would manifest in my bedroom out of embarrassment.”

“Same, but with less drama. I hardly get it cut at all.” Macy added. She turned her attention to Tim with a smug look on her face.

“What's your excuse?” 

Tim gritted his teeth. “Cutting your own hair is NOT the same as breaking the law and _stealing_.” 

“Well?” Tut prodded.

Tim rose up to his defense right away. His height gave him a threatening advantage, but his freckle filled soft face and nose-length hair really worked against it. Kind of like a big stuffed animal trying to yell at you. 

“How come I’m the one getting questioned! You never pried into that little smug thief's shoplifting!” Tim instinctively pointed a finger at the criminal menace. It was quite fun seeing him flustered like this, Eli had to admit, as he soon chimed in on the assault. 

“Cause we know all her stories. C’mon, I wanna hear yours.” 

“Okay, but you put your finger down too, so I wanna hear your tale after.” Tim asserted. 

Oops, he noticed. “...Alright.” 

Tim sighed to begin his story. 

“When I was like, fourteen, I wanted to cut my hair like Cloud. I stole my mom’s hair scissors and...had poor results. There!” 

“Cloud?” Macy tilted her head.

Tim answered immediately, his chest puffed out a bit in excitement.

“Final Fantasy! ...Seven!” 

Eli was more surprised by Tim’s taste in games than the fact that he botched his hair.

“You play those?” He asked, amazed.

“Yeah? I love RPG’s. Final Fantasy is super cool. I’d steal all my older brothers’ discs even though he’d always yell at me. He was afraid I’d misplace one of them, which was fair I guess, since I did once or twice.” 

“Wow.” Tut and Eli seemed to share the same sentiment. It didn't look like Macy had much to say but she seemed awfully interested regardless. Now that Eli thought about it, he remembered Macy hated RPG’s.

“Okay, your turn.”

“Oh, right. I had a baby hair. And it pissed me off, so, I cut it. With kitchen scissors. Also I was probably ten.” 

“That’s it?” Tim asked, underwhelmed.

“Yeah.”

Macy sighed.

“Underwhelming, boring, next question. Your turn, Cloud.” 

“Oh! Um. Never have I ever...uh, skipped class?” 

Tim looked like he was about to break into a sweat with the way his three friends stared him down. 

“Really?” The three said in unison, varying tones across the room. 

“Wh - I'm not a skipper! I'm a good boy!” Tim seemed eager to defend himself. Did he actually think, out of all three of them, that one WOULDN’T have skipped class before? Adorable. 

“You should sometime. It's fun. We do stupid shit.” Macy offered.

“Last week we got sushi~” Eli chimed in. Did Tim like sushi? 

Tut rolled his eyes, “Yeah, cause Macy demanded it.” 

Without skipping a beat, Macy retaliated in full force. “SUSHI’S REALLY GOOD, BITCH!”

“Ah, I dunno...but sushi sounds good. Couldn't we just go on a weekend though?” Tim asked, still trying to maintain his record despite the obvious temptation. Temptation that was actually working, to Eli’s surprise. Though he does seem like a hard people-pleaser. 

“''Tis not the same.” Tut answered solemnly.

“It’s WAY more fun knowing you're supposed to be in class, fool.” Macy added, a fire visible in her eyes.

Eli added in a nod and a “Yup.” 

Tim still looked indecisive. He bit his fingernail when he finally spoke. 

“Maybe. We’ll see.” 

This seemed to please Tut and Macy just as much as Eli, with Macy letting out a long and devilishly excited “yesss.” The three silently agreed to leave it there as to not peer pressure self-proclaimed “Mr. Good Boy” too much. 

“Put your fingers down, too, skippers.” Tim smiled. 

The three of them let out a half-laughed sigh before putting their next finger down. 

“Okay, my turn. Never have I ever gone vegan. Gross shit.” Eli excitedly looked around the room for any takers. And it was…

Tim sadly lowered a finger. “I didn't last long...” He weakly defended, hoping it'd save him from another round of questioning.

This turn of events got a good snort out of Macy, who must have eagerly imagined the scenario in a matter of seconds. Eli found himself laughing under his breath as well, until he noticed how quiet the bastard was beside him. Didn't Tut have more upright fingers just a minute ago? 

By instinct, Eli immediately asked, “Tut. Did you…?” 

“Same results as Tim.” Tut quickly stated matter-of-factly. No bullshit, it seems! 

As soon as it felt too quiet, Macy added in her sentiment. 

“God, I don't know how anyone could even manage. I always kinda wanted to, though, because I’ve seen some of those leaked videos and...eugh” She stated, a disgusted tone in her voice. 

“Yeah. That’s why I tried.” Tim responded, now comfortable to elaborate a bit more. 

The sudden shift in conversation brought the conversation to a dead end. None of them could really make light of the situation about animal abuse, nor were they interested in discussing it further. It was a good thing it was Tut’s turn to go, then.

“This is too sad, fuck it! It's my turn! Never have I ever!”

Silence. A smug grin plastered all over his face as he flipped his low ponytail back for dramatic effect.

“...Kissed Tut.” 

And with that, Tut sat back on the couch, eager to watch the chaos he wrought ensue. To Eli’s surprise, and likely everyone else’s, he put yet another finger down. But Eli wasn't alone. In fact, 

_Both Macy and even Tim put theirs down._

What?! They kissed Tut too? Eli watched in absolute awe as the two both shared similar expressions, eyes darting around each other's now one-less-pointed-fingered hands. This guy has seriously been around! If only Eli had the same luck...though it was one person in particular he deeply wished for, someone who really liked speaking her mind, like -

“WHAT THE FUCK?” A yell ruptured through the apartment, basically shaking the walls of the place. 

“ELI...TIM TOO?! WHAT THE FUCK, TUT? WHAT THE FUCK BOTH OF YOU?” 

“Sorry? Wait, is this worth apologizing for? I don't get it.” Tim responded weakly. 

Eli shrugged, then curiously turned to see the absolute massive grin growing on Tut’s bastard face. Menace.

Macy just got redder and redder. 

“No fuckin way! I can't believe this shit. Tut SUCKED!” She demanded, crossing her arms in her clear anger. Clearly MACY didn't have a very good experience. Why? What was Tim’s like? 

“I can't believe you!” Macy stared deep at Tim, both anger and disappointment painted clear as day on her very red face.

“Like, I get me and Eli can be stupid, but you too?!” 

Tim was too flustered to respond and Eli was too engrossed in the absolute trainwreck occurring right in front of him to even try to form any words. 

Looked like that last one hurt Tut’s pretend-feelings a little, though.

“What's so stupid about kissing me?” He questioned, pulling his body forward, a very obvious fakely sad tone in his voice. 

Macy quickly rose up closer to Tut with devout passion, practically yelling 5 inches from his face. He had come down from his smug manspreading position to meet her angry self head on. Only Tut could take it with honour.

“You! Fucking hesitated the entire time! Kissing me is a once in a lifetime experience and you royally BOTCHED it!” 

“I did not! I’m amazing!” Tut retaliated in turn. 

“Whatever! Say whatever the fuck you want to yourself but that doesn't change the fact that you gave me a shitty time because you were indecisive as hell!” 

Tim was still too red to say a word, so it looked like it was Eli’s turn to add his thoughts. But thanks to his current emotional vulnerability, they were...unfiltered, to say the least.

“I dunno, he sucked on me, but I liked it.” 

Oh, shit. What did he just say?

“Oh my fucking God.” That remark had to have come from Macy. 

Eli quickly glanced over at Tut to check his response, who looked like he was actually...blushing? He watched as Tut quickly shook his head as if to wipe his emotions off and replaced it back with his usual smug grin all in a matter of seconds. 

“Yeah, how's that for you? Eli said I was good.” He teased, right back in Macy’s face. Macy gritted her teeth in response.

Tim finally mustered the courage to chime in, likely in an attempt to de-escalate Tut and Macy’s feud. 

“I...don't have much experience, but it was fun.” Tim played with his hands nervously, unable to make eye contact with any of them now.

Hearing that, Tut seemed to appear quite satisfied. But Eli couldn't help but notice that minor blush of his reappear. 

“That’s cause you've never had a GOOD kiss! Look, I’ll blow Tut’s lame excuse of a kiss out of the fuckin’ water. I’LL show you what a good kiss is liiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…nevermind. Nevermind!” Macy quickly trailed off in embarrassment. Eli was amazed to see her face somehow redder than before. What a way to blow your cover! 

Tim reddened in turn and perked up in astonishment. 

“Wait, say that agai-” 

“NO!” Macy crossed her arms and closed herself off, facing the adjacent wall, refusing to make eye contact with anything that breathed.

Tut's smile widened, but not without a hint of surprise on his face, seeing Macy dig herself in the same hole she had attempted to bury Tut in just seconds before.

“Oh c’mon Miss Macy, let's hear it. You think you're better than me? You wanna give Tim a good time?” 

Eli couldn't believe what was unfolding in front of him. He could tell Tim couldn't either, given how Tim was trying to choke out any words he could in response and was failing horribly.

It was in the calm moment before Macy spoke that Eli realized that this train had completely derailed. With yours truly as the captain, she was intent to bring everyone down with her in a selfish act of self preservation. Oh, if only Tut knew what he had wrought, maybe he would have kept his fucking mouth shut…

Macy sharpened her teeth and let loose.

“Oh FUCK OFF, you and I both know that incredible kiss you and Tim shared meant WAYYY more to you than his pretty little head could even comprehend!” 

Tim was wide eyed. Pretty? Here it comes.

“Tut? You?” Tim managed to mutter. 

“Fuck, uh.” 

“Why didn't you tell me?” 

“Well,” 

Macy threw herself back into the ring to bring Tut down in his weakened state.

“Because he's stupid.” Okay, fair. Not the greatest “gotcha”, but it's true.

“Oh, look at the pot calling the kettle black.” Tut retaliated.

“SHUT UP!” 

Eli decided to add his two cents, but didn't think it through enough.

“Gotta agree with Tut here, you’re just as ba-”

“OH AS IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM TOO. YOU’RE UNREAL.” Macy scoffed, arguing with a bunch of hypocrites. 

Tim stiffened, staring at Eli’s flustered response.

“Wait wh-” 

Tut took a deep sigh to quickly gather his thoughts and take his next step. Again, in an instant he seemed to wipe any nervousness right off his face and replace it with his typical. 

Leaning forward to meet Macy yet again, he teased.

“Y’know what, Macy, I think we should really discuss your feelings a little more! Since you seem set on making this a feeling fuelled discussion, how long have you liked Tim for? Feels like since you met.” 

Eli wanted to beg Tut to just please shut the fuck up, but there was no way this is going to end well any more. Might as well ride it out, especially since Eli’s feelings had already been compromised thanks to Macy's loud mouth. He needed to get her back. 

Macy stared daggers into Tut’s brown eyes with a deep threat.

“GIVE IT THE FUCK UP OR I WILL REARRANGE YOU.”

Before Tut could decide whether to continue or not, Eli chimed in to deliver the finishing blow.

“Didn't you call him Timby when he wasn’t around? That was cute.” Eli brushed his bob length hair behind his ears, failing to realize the extent of his actions. He had carelessly dropped a bomb - and in doing so set off another one, much worse, in its wake. 

Silence.

Macy animalistically uprooted herself from her sweaty anger stained spot on the carpet and forced her iron-claw grip to Eli’s shirt, tugging and pulling wildly, zero remorse.

“I WILL WRING YOUR FUCKING NECK YOU FUCKING SNITCH!! HOW DARE YOU?!” Macy screamed. She would have continued her onslaught, had Tim not spoken up, which caused her to turn her head to meet his very flustered gaze. 

“Tim...bee?” He repeated. 

Macy shook her head to escape eye contact, and deadlocked her eyes onto Eli’s. 

“I will never fucking forgive you.” She spat, releasing her grip, causing Eli to be aggressively thrown back into the couch cushion. Maybe...that was a bad idea. 

Tut stared amazed at the violent scene that just subsided as quickly as it appeared. 

Eli watched intently, breathless from Macy’s beating as the fire ignited in her eyes for the third, fourth...fifth? Time that night. Here we go again. 

“Okay, fucker. Hey, Tut. I think you'd be interested in the details of some conversations about you that me and Eli have discussed.”

_No. No. Nonono. Macy, I'm sorry._

Tut looked perplexed.

“Wait, huh?” 

Macy stood tall above everyone now, as she was the only one on her feet, creating a self imposed sense of superiority she so dearly clung to. 

“Oh, Eli hasn't relayed them to you? Honestly it's like you're all he can fuckin’ talk about. Y’know, how pretty he thinks your hair is, and how bad he wants to -”

“MACY, SHUT UP. YOU CAN STOP NOW.” Eli roared, his demand shaky.

His loud response seemed to have really gotten Tim and Tut’s attention, as they both stared at him with concern. Well...Eli doesn't raise his voice very often. Macy stared him down too, but with zero remorse or concern apparent on her face. Bitch. 

Macy hung over him, hands to her hips.

“Can't handle having your feelings spilled to the world? Maybe you should've fucking thought about that before you spilled mine you SELFISH HYPOCRITE!” 

Fuck this. Eli swung up to face her head on. There is way too much he's felt for way too long. 

“ME? Selfish? Look who's talking! You're the most selfish person in this room - the most selfish person I know!” 

“Big claim for someone who found it fun to reveal something I TRUSTED YOU WITH, prick!” 

Eli couldn't help but let his tongue run loose, his vocal chords long exhausted. A yelling war in which he and Macy took turns with each other was not something he had planned or dreamt of, but in the heat of the moment it's what he wished for the most. 

“I dunno, Macy! Maybe you shouldn't be such a fake ass! Maybe you should stop being so oblivious to everyone around you and throwing them away when it's most convenient for you!”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!”

“YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!” 

“NO, I DON’T! STOP BEING SO CRYPTIC!” 

Tim sat in awe as this unfolded, every new blow making Eli and Macy’s previously tight friendship less and less redeemable. There was no way Tim could possibly intervene. Tim shot a concerned glance at Tut who quickly got the message and decided this was going nowhere without some intervention.

Tut stuck his head in once more.

“Do you guys need a divorce, or what?” Tut teased.

Macy shot back up, flustered.

“AS IF we would ever even marry, dumbass!”

“What? Really?” Lightening his voice, Tut was alluding to something dangerous. 

Eli hissed, still letting off steam.

“Why are you so hung up on this, Tut?” 

Macy gritted her teeth, fists forming at a shake to her hips. 

“Tut. Don’t do this.” She muttered. Eli was surprised she had managed to avoid screaming that, considering her previous behaviour. Was this somehow worse than revealing her feelings to Tim? Eli sat impatiently for Tut’s response.

As if Tut was tone deaf to Macy's voice only, he continued.

“Huh? Macy's totally into you. Has been for a while. You didn't notice? Ohh she didn't tell you...” 

...Wait. What? WHAT? Tut’s got to be kidding, right?

Okay, a quick glance at Tut’s face, smug as ever, but…

“M...Macy, is he? You?” Eli sputtered. 

Red faced and teary eyed, Macy violently tugged at her hair and paced around the living room. 

“I HATE YOU BOTH SO MUCH! YOU’RE RUINING ME!” She cried, angry and exasperated. 

Eli could hardly form any thoughts. Here he was totally ripping Macy a new one to her face just a few seconds ago, so caught up in his resentment at her lack of reciprocation, and, here was the truth. Maybe he was being a bit hard on her. After all, she just had her crushes violently spilled to their faces and onlookers. Eli did too, and Tut by extension, but at least they know someone likes them. No one admitted to liking Macy. 

Yet…

Macy turned around, puffy eyed. 

“Y’know what Tut? Fuck you.” 

“Huh -” 

“Eli, I think you should know about all of the erotic dreams Tut has had of you. Fair’s fair, right?” She hissed. 

Now Tut? This can't be real.

The accused shook his hands, clawing to get control of the situation once more. 

“At least let me say it!” Tut cried. 

“THEN SPILL IT, YOU BITCH!”

Tut cleared his throat, preparing his super-thought-out-explanation.

“Well, uh, Eli, um, first of all, It didn’t mean anything. Second...” 

...Yes? 

Eli blinked, and Tut was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

“GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING SNITCH!” Macy’s violent yells rang deep through Eli and Tim’s ears. The two boys stared at one another, blinking in confusion. Macy’s scratchy voice long overstayed its welcome, screaming at Tut through the apartment hallways. Doors being violently swung open in the chase were muffled the farther and farther they ran.

First Tut disappeared and now Macy was ferally on his tail for what Eli can only imagine to be a bloodbath. They really did push her too far, and Tut is going to receive the ultimate prize for it...eventually. Whenever Macy catches up to him, that is. She is kind of short. But she never gives up, which scares Eli to his core. 

Eli would have continued with some self reflection, maybe finally be able to attempt to comprehend and unpack the EVERYTHING that just occurred in front of him, until Tim broke the new silence. 

“Should we go after them?” He weakly asked. The two still had difficulty with eye contact, but at least they could talk now. 

Eli rose up from his seat, brushing himself off from what was probably Macy’s spit thanks to her rage. 

“Yeah. I...actually fear for Tut’s well-being right now.” 

Tim nodded and shuffled to his feet. Eli was already at the door now, backpack and coat ready to leave, until he realized Tim was in the middle of getting his shoes on. Oh yeah, he took them off when he came in, unlike Eli and Tut. Eli glanced down and noticed Macy’s sandals sloppily strewn around the door. Was she...barefoot?

Eli took the quiet opportunity to realize Macy didn't grab a jacket before she left. He routinely stuffed her favourite one into his bag confidently knowing she would need it later. As his keys clicked in his stuffed pocket, he noticed Macy’s hanging on the hook before locking up. Eli suddenly recalled some choice instances where she had forgotten her own: calling him at 3AM, sending a thousand text messages, hunting him down on campus… 

Eli blushed when he suddenly remembered the newly discovered fact that  _ Macy likes him, and has for who knows how long.  _

Tim, of course, interrupted his thoughts, jerking him back to the sad reality that Macy isn’t around to hear his years long pent-up confession.

“Which way did they go?”

“Tut doesn’t know our building as well as me and Macy do, so he probably ended up taking the long way with Macy following whichever path he took. I’m sure once we’re out of the building we’ll hear her and just follow her  _ lovely _ voice.” Added emphasis on “lovely” because it's all Eli ever hears most days. But there was some genuineness to his snarky remark, though he wouldn't say. 

The long walk through the quiet apartment hallways and miles of doors was...awkward to say the least. Had the previous chaos not occurred, it’d be fine, but there was just so much unsaid it left an anxious taste in Eli’s mouth. It didn't help that apartment buildings were generally uncanny as hell on their own, which certainly did not help ease the tension both the boys felt weigh heavily over their heads. 

Eli wondered how Tim must have felt during the whole ordeal and how he must feel now. Holy shit, the dude had just violently learned that his three friends all liked him to varying degrees, then was subject to Macy’s emotional outbursts for what probably felt like an hour to someone unacquainted with them.

Eli still wasn't convinced Tim even liked guys. It had been a common subject of his and Tut’s stoned debates. They were confident he liked girls, at least, maybe Macy had the most chances with him. But after that scene...most people might not like Macy very much. He wasn't quite sure if Tim was one of those people. 

As the two boys made their way down the stairwell, Tim spoke up again. 

“Has something like that ever happened before?” His voice echoed and bounced strangely off the concrete walls as the two made steady pace down countless flights of stairs. 

Definitely not. And hopefully never again.

Eli sighed, “No. We’ve fought before, but it was never so serious. I don't think any of us realized just how far it cut. I feel...like a really shitty friend.” 

“Me too.” 

“Hey, I know I was a prick, but you didn't do anything.” 

Tim bit his nail again, chipping off some of the polish.

“Maybe I could have intervened, or lied about Tut’s, uh...kiss.” Tim trailed off, hardly articulating the last few words.

“Nah man, this wasn't on you. Don't lie to please others. You didn't deserve to see all that.”

“Mm...okay. Thanks, Eli.” 

“Oh. You're welcome.” 

Tim looked dissatisfied with Eli’s attempted comfort. He definitely had more to say, but it looked like it would be a little while until Tim spoke his mind. Eli was a bit nervous with the boy’s silence. Eli genuinely did mean it. Despite often rerouting his frustrations from Macy to Tim - appointing him as the source, Tim truly meant a lot to Eli as a friend and...okay, maybe there was a good reason why Macy liked him so much.

Once outside, the boys both felt a wave of cool, late autumn air. It was calming, almost made it feel like they weren’t trying to find and stop a crime scene. Eli considered ditching his coat, feeling a little silly for taking Macy’s so surely. Though he figured he was just unusually hot due to being in a back and forth yelling fit with Macy just a few minutes ago. 

Speaking of Macy - where did her and Tut go? 

“I can’t hear anything.” Tim remarked, breaking the cool air.

Eli was a little surprised at the silence. He could usually hear Macy from a kilometre away.

“Maybe they’re farther than I thought. Let’s just keep walking. This is the direction to Tut’s place anyway. I’d bet he’s trying to run there.”

After about two blocks down the street Eli was proven right. Faint yells could be heard from the distance, coming from what looked like a long emptied and desolate park. 

“I’M GONNA FUCKIN’ RIP YOU APART! YOUR ASS IS  _ DEAD MEAT!” _ By the language, Eli assumed that was from a very angry Macy.

Eli swore he could see two silhouettes illuminated by the lights surrounding the baseball diamond, which was enough evidence for him to tug on Tim’s arm and take the lead. 

The two were soon able to get close enough to the scene to make out its players: an exasperated, shaky and breathless Tut; and a dead-set, ruthless Macy gripping his ankle. Tut had attempted to climb one of the many fences to escape through the snack area. In his desperate attempt to flee, he unluckily managed to get a few loops of his cargo pants stuck on the wire. If not for that handicap Tut would have been as good as gone. Macy would have taken much too long to climb in turn and her prey would have faded into obscurity, never to be heard from until he no longer had a target on his back.

However long that would take.

Tim and Eli could only stand in breathless awe as Macy yanked Tut down onto the grass, both hands now clawing deep into his ankle with every ounce of strength she had left. Eli guessed that if Tut were to roll up his pant leg tomorrow morning, he’d find ten rough patches of broken skin. The two boys were close enough to see everything unfold with general clarity, but it looked like Tut and Macy were unaware of their presence. Eli didn’t think this would be an issue until things took an...interesting turn.

They intently watched as Tut suddenly hit the cold ground on his back with a loud OOF. The boys were supposed to try to separate them, to avoid this exact situation, but neither of them could manage to move a muscle. 

Macy asserted herself and straddled Tut’s sore body, face inches from his. Had she not tucked her wild hair behind her ear, it would have obstructed one of Eli’s favourite parts of her. Tut stared in awe before wincing as Macy’s cold fist narrowly avoided his face, instead meeting the ground with dangerous force. It was then that Eli saw Tut begin to...smile? Didn’t he just avoid getting his face rearranged?

“Hey. Can I have some last words?” Tut teased. 

Macy’s eyes narrowed. She lifted her sore fist and let her fingers loose.

“Five seconds, shitbag.” 

“Have I...ever told you how pretty you are?” 

This clearly did not have the calming effect Tut had likely hoped for. Macy, now feeling further belittled, brought her other free hand forth to grab Tut’s shirt by the collar. What was this dumbass trying to do?

“How fucking stupid do you think I am?”   
“I don’t, actually, just a passing observation - still feel free to beat me up. Since we’re being honest right now, I thought I’d say it.”

Tut just muttered dangerous, deeply honest words Eli could never manage to choke up the courage to admit to Macy’s face. It never occurred to him that Tut might have been competing with him, the amount of time uncertain. He felt his body tighten and tense. Just how much more was going to come forth tonight? He was growing tired of feeling such resentment towards his friends...

Macy kept Tut right where she wanted him, staring daggers into his smug grin. If anyone else were in Tut’s position, they probably would have long pissed their pants. After a few seconds of this rolled by, Macy finally spoke. 

“Hey, I have an idea, actually.” Macy twisted her hair with a dirt stained hand, still gripping Tut’s collar with the other.

“Do share.”

“Show me what I’m missing.”    


“Hm?”

Eli could hardly make out the words escaping Macy’s teeth as she slid her face to Tut’s ear in a demanding whisper.

“Kiss me, and if it’s good enough, I’ll consider sparing you.” 

Tut’s eyes sparkled and nodded without hesitation. Taking the consent, Macy lifted her head back in front of Tut’s face and yanked his collar forward, bringing Tut and his lips to her own. He was wide-eyed at first, likely not expecting Macy to initiate so wildly. 

Macy was aggressive and demanding. One hand gripped Tut’s collar while the other propped the back of his head up to support her rough nature, her dirty fingers tangled through Tut’s soft hair. It looked like he was struggling to meet Macy’s pace. Eventually, Tut soon found himself engaging in a quick, steady rhythm with Macy as the lead. 

Eli and Tim stood still, refusing to make a sound. The two couldn’t believe what they were witnessing. Tut and Macy were currently making out - hard. Eli wasn’t sure if Tim would share the same sentiment, but Eli wished he could just throw Tut to the side and take his place. But he also wanted to taste Tut once more, too…

Wait a minute, what was he thinking? Tut is a fucking asshole! That prick had learned of Eli’s stupid crush on him, clearly aware of the fact he was liked. Then Macy revealled Tut’s so-called “erotic dreams” of Eli, and all Tut had to say in response was to stumble his words, say it didn’t mean anything, dash out of his apartment and then start making out with his best friend? This best friend, specifically, Eli had been in love with for YEARS? 

Regardless of how Eli felt, the two continued on full force, completely oblivious to their audience. Had they been aware, the lovebirds might not have begun to explore each other with more than their lips. Tut began searching around Macy’s body for soft spots to grope, his hands exploring any inch of her within reach. He was unable to settle on one before Macy broke the connection and suddenly dropped his upper body firmly back on the ground without warning. 

Eli had to rethink if he was into voyeurism or not. The mix of being both turned on and absolutely outraged made it difficult to explain just about any emotions he felt.

Macy smiled and brought her head down to meet Tut’s exhausted gaze. 

“Better than the first try, huh? Maybe you should let me take the reins next time.” 

Tut was long out of breath, probably excitedly thinking about the “next time” bit. He swallowed and nodded, out of quips and chirps to strike Macy back with.

“Yeah.”

With the way the two were staring at each other, Eli was expecting a second round. What he didn’t expect, however, was an extremely flustered Tim wildly tugging on his sleeve. His expression was priceless; his eyebrows furrowed and his lips curved so tightly to a frown that he had shut tight on purpose to avoid compromising his position. Had his face not been so red, the look would have been read by anyone else as a confusing mix of discomfort and anger. Tim was clearly into one of them, but Eli wasn’t sure exactly who. 

He really hoped it wasn’t Macy, because if Eli had to fight anyone else for her he might just rip his fucking hair out.

The idea of someone else reading Tim’s expression suddenly made Eli very aware of the fact that they were  _ very much in a public place. _ It was past eight now, but anyone could stumble upon the four of them. Despite his previous hesitations, Eli realized Tut and Macy needed to be separated. Immediately. Eli swallowed the lump in his throat down and dove in.

“GUYS!” Eli yelled, slowly making his way closer to the two. His hands cupped around his mouth to increase his volume to ensure he was heard. Tim, still tugging on Eli’s shirt, followed close behind. He tried hiding behind Eli to no avail, as the taller boy hovered over him.

Macy jumped, suddenly on her feet in an instant. She kicked her leg in the air nervously. 

“Hiii.” She sang, a light, innocent air in her voice. Clearly she assumed they had only been narrowly caught in the act.

Tut was so exhausted he could hardly form a word in response, instead opting for groans from the physicality of Macy’s weird idea of payback.

“Sooo...what was that all about?” Eli asked.

Macy’s face instantly shifted into a threatening expression. She kept up her innocent facade despite the implication.

“Nothing you need to worry about~!” 

Nothing Eli needs to worry about? Considering the scene, he doubted it.

“Okay, well if that’s the case, why don’t y-”   
“Why don’t we go on a walk!” Tim exclaimed, suddenly eager to speak. He popped his upper body out a bit more, but most of him from the waist down was still hidden behind Eli for reasons he couldn’t quite figure out.

Tut groaned again, then followed it into the longest yawn Eli had ever heard in his life. 

“Nah, I’m gonna go home.” Tut slowly made his way to his feet, letting out a few more painful noises here and there. Eli did NOT want to be Tut in the morning. 

Tim’s grip on Eli’s jacket tightened. 

“What? But don’t you...have something to say? I feel like maybe we should be, y’know, discussing something a little important.” 

Eli couldn’t believe it was Tim of all people that would bring  _ that _ up again, but the more he thought about it the more it made sense. Tim was merely an onlooker to the entire spectacle from earlier and must have had his ego boosted quite a bit knowing all three of them liked him. That, and Tim looked so concerned during their walk a few moments ago. Eli could recall him acting like he had been holding back somewhat. 

Macy gave yet another threatening glance to Eli before redirecting her attention to Tut, who began to speak. 

“I don’t have anything. Macy, do YOU have something to say?”

Macy’s face lost it’s confidence in an instant.

“Uhm…”   
“See! There’s nothing we’re missing out on. I’ve had enough excitement for one night and I’m tired. Surely you guys must feel the same.” Tut assured, clearly eager to run with his tail behind his legs.

It felt like Tim wanted to fight back, but Eli didn’t think he had enough confidence in him to convince Tut on the right course of action, who happened to be the absolute king of slithering his way through arguments. It felt like Tut always got his way, somehow. 

Of course Tut wouldn’t want to talk about what just happened. Why would he? He just stirred up shit with his friends and made out with Macy to top it off. No big deal. 

The four of them sat in an uncomfortable silence as Tut patted himself off, deep in thought.

“Actually, Macy, come with me. I still have your copy of Silent Hill 2.” 

What?

Macy shot him a drained stare.

“Bring it back to me yourself. I’m tired too.”

“You sure? How soon do you want it? You’ll have it safe in your passionate little arms tonight if you come with.” Tut smiled, smug as ever. 

Macy thought about it for a second, then groaned accepting the truth. Tut was right. He would NEVER return things on time. Eli suddenly remembered a few things he had lent Tut that faded into obscurity. Though Eli could swear Macy had another emotion on her face, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“Ugh. Fine. Lead the way.” 

Okay, what the hell did Tut need Macy to go home with him for, really? Judging by what had transpired just a few minutes ago, the most logical conclusion could be…

Eli felt his blood boil. No. No fucking way. 

Tim, still dissatisfied with the way the night was wrapping, shot up a new idea before Tut and Macy could escape.

“How about we all come along? I need to go home too. We can all walk home together. Everyone wins.” Tim offered. 

Tut didn’t seem to like that idea at first glance, but Eli was surely relieved at Tim’s solution.

“Oh, uh, sure. If you guys want.” He shrugged nonchalantly, already beginning to take off. 

Macy slightly nodded before joining Tut without a word. 

Tim finally broke free from the iron grip he held on Eli’s jacket and hastily followed behind Tut and Macy. They must have wanted to get to Tut’s place as soon as possible, considering how quick their pace was compared to, y’know, normal walking speed. Despite Eli’s slight annoyance with Tim hiding behind him earlier, (mostly because he had no idea why he was even back there in the first place), the now Tim-less areas on Eli’s jacket felt sadly empty…

The walk to Tut’s apartment was uncomfortably silent, save for the loud thoughts that were currently racing through Eli’s head at mach speed. They were so prominent, in fact, that Eli had to stop himself from articulating the hardest-hitting ones out loud. 

Resentment was building deep within him. Everything was wrong and would continue to go wrong unless Eli would finally do something about it.

Tut offering that stupid game, 

Macy’s annoying crush on Tim, 

Eli blurting out that crush, 

Eli’s long standing crush on Macy,

Tut revealing Macy’s unknowingly shared feelings, 

Tut telling Macy how pretty she was, 

Tut making out with Macy,

Tut…

It all started and ended with Tut. Suddenly everything started making sense. Tut was the reason for every single shitty thing that happened tonight. Eli swore that manipulative bastard was going to pay for it, somehow. 

Eli would have happily kept stewing in his unhealthily bitter thoughts until a conversation that popped up between Tut and Macy caught his attention.

“You cold?” Tut asked, concern apparent in this tone.

Macy refused to respond, but Eli could see the goosebumps on her arms from six feet away. Shit! Eli never gave Macy her coat! And that shitbag Tut was already taking his stupid one off to give to her! 

“Here, we’re not far anyway, take mi-”

“Thanks Tut, but I actually brought Macy’s jacket with me.” Eli interrupted, just like the hotshot he wanted to be. 

“Oh…” Was all Macy could mutter, as she watched Eli fish out her favourite jacket from his backpack. She looked grateful despite still being committed to her resentment towards him. Once the jacket was on, the conversation came to a stop.

Eli happily watched Tut reposition his own in what he hoped was shame. He felt pride burn through him, hoping he was able to knock Tut down a few points despite the awkwardness. Tut didn’t get to swoop in and save the day whenever it was convenient and Eli made it clear just how much he cares. 

Eli quickly retreated back into his own thoughts. Okay, so Tut was the master asshole behind all of this, as Eli had deduced. He probably planned for this shit to happen and knew exactly how to reap the benefits, just like he had done earlier. Tear Macy’s feelings out of her, then make her feel loved, and get her heart in return. It’s almost like he knew Macy’s insecurities in and out. What a shallow guy. 

Not to mention Tut kissed all three of them: Eli, Tim, Macy...what the fuck was wrong with this dude? What was his deal? 

Whatever, it didn’t matter. Tut would return his totally-legitimate copy of Macy’s favourite game, say a few goodbyes, and get totally reamed out by Eli. He was going to get answers and make his observations clear one way or another. He refused to let Tut get away with toying with Eli’s friends’ hearts like little discarded playthings. Yeah. That’s the plan. 

Eli practiced the daggers he was eager to throw at Tut for the rest of the walk to that snake’s hole.


	3. Chapter 3

Macy’s once tired face lit up like a firework upon Tut’s return to the hallway. She happily held her prized copy of Silent Hill 2 in her arms, relieved to finally have it back in her possession. The “best psychological horror game ever made”, as she put it. Tut had quickly ran into his apartment and retrieved it while the group waited outside a few moments ago. “Quickly” may not be the best word to use, though he did make haste, however it took him quite a while to find the damn thing. 

“Yess. Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.”

The two continued to engage in meaningless chit chat as the group stood outside Tut’s door, muffled noises from his neighbors popping in and out through occasional momentary silence. Eli was so close to speaking his mind. He had it all figured out.

As the group shared their awkward goodbyes and made a move, Eli stayed still. 

“You guys can go on ahead. Tut still has some of my stuff he needs to return, too.” 

Macy turned her head back, confused.

“Oh, want us to w-”   


“No.”

Hearing Eli’s cold, demanding reply sent shivers down Macy’s spine. Her perturbed eyes hung back for a few brief seconds before making her way to the stairwell down the hall with Tim close beside her, who Eli imagined shared the same concern. It didn’t matter - he would explain later. They would thank him.

Once the iron door was shut tight, Tut spoke up, a troubled shakiness had already set in to his voice.

“So...what do I owe you?”

“Some answers, for one. Y’know, I thought you were my friend. Our friend. But I don’t think so any more.”

Tut swallowed an uneasy lump in his throat down.

“Uh, why is that?” 

“Don’t act like that. You know what you’re doing, don’t you? This is all just a game to you, isn’t it?”   


“Um, no?”

“Really? Then what were you planning on doing with Macy if myself and Tim didn’t invite ourselves along here?”   


“Uh, give her back...her game…? Like I just did?” 

Eli scoffed in disbelief.   
“Yeah, and then you’d invite her in and listen to her rave on about how the deep hallways symbolize loneliness or whatever all night too. You act like you care about what she has to say and how she feels, don’t you?”   
“Eli, I’m sorry, I don’t quite follow?”    
“Stop bullshitting me, dude! All you care about is causing stupid fucking drama and leaving it to us to clean up the mess - you couldn’t care less about us at all! You don’t care about me, you don’t care about Tim, and you sure as fuck don’t care about Macy. All you care about is yourself and whatever selfish little game you’ve been playing with us for who knows how long.”

“No, I don’t...Eli, I - what game am I playing?” 

Tut’s innocent act was driving Eli absolutely insane. The nerve of this fucking guy, clawing so deep into his little facade that he’d stay in character all the way ‘till the bitter end. 

“How long do you plan on keeping up that act of yours? I’m sick of it! You started that stupid little twenty questions or whatever because you were BORED - you said it yourself!”

“But you were bored too, right…?”

“Yeah, well, I don't find playing with my “friends” feelings a very good source of entertainment.” Eli snarked, a particular amount of sting in his tone. 

“I don’t -” 

“You started all this shit on purpose and just ran away from it whenever the pressure became too much for you, getting everything you wanted and leaving us to clean up the damage.” 

“Eli, Eli I didnt -” Tut was choking through his words. Finally he was starting to crack, but Eli wasn't finished. 

“Shut up! I'm not done. You're not sweet-talking your way out of this like you did earlier! Not with me.”

The accused solemnly nodded and shut his mouth. 

  
  


“You make fun of us by bringing up that stupid kiss - you kissed all three of us, however the hell you managed to do that, like it was a fucking competition for you, and then you bring it up in that dumb game as if you were waving around a fucking trophy! You spilled Macy’s feelings, TWICE, to all of our faces, made no attempt to calm down the shitshorm you started, then just ran off to go make out with her like no big deal? Then you don’t even want to TALK about it, and somehow you had the audacity to invite Macy over to your fucking APARTMENT?  _ ALONE?  _ Like, is that it? Are we some joke to you? Little toys you can throw around and abuse whenever you’re bored?”   
Tut’s head sunk low. 

“No…”

“No?” Eli spat. That’s all? Eli had been expecting a lot more pushback than this.

Tut couldn’t mutter a word in response. Eli took a strong guess that he might have been beginning to cry, the sudden thought sending signals of alarm down his spine. But he couldn’t stop now. 

“That’s all you have to say for yourself.”

He paused.

_ “...No.” _ Eli repeated, finishing his sentiment.   
There were no words between either of them, no sounds - not even the neighbors, save for Tut’s muffled sniffles.

Eli’s head suddenly jolted to the door handle as Tut’s hand grasped the object shakily, attempting to retreat back inside. He kept quiet as he noticed Tut forget to unlock his own door before attempting the handle.

“Don’t run away from this!” Eli barked, Tut’s intentions setting in.

Tut’s uneasy hands made way to his pockets, his keys clunking and clicking even more chaotically than when usually handled. 

“Not, I’m. Not, just, let me,” His trembling hands missed the keyhole a frustrating amount before finally setting in and lifting the lock.

“I’ll explain inside, I really don’t...want to be out here.” 

There was something about Tut being so horrifically vulnerable that made Eli’s skin crawl more than he wanted to admit. Knowing he was responsible for abruptly peeling off the layers of confidence and charisma Tut plastered himself with was...unnerving, but, Tut deserved it, right?

Right. Manipulative friends deserve harsh backlash.

...Right.

Eli stood at the doorway, staring intently as Tut kicked his worn-looking boots off and slumped in one of two seats at his kitchen table. Eli felt strangely out of place. He still followed suit, however, sitting across from a very defeated Tut. 

Actually, how many times has Eli been here? He could hardly recall. It felt only a tinge familiar, the only time Eli remembered spending time at this apartment was in quick passing. Eli had never got to make any memories with Tut here. It was always at Eli’s place that the two would bond. Well, it  _ was _ Eli’s place before Macy graduated and moved in after Eli and Tut’s second semester. They’ve known each other for almost a year now, yet Eli has never felt farther away from Tut since before they met. Eli found himself in a painfully unwelcoming home of a once-trusted friend.

Growing impatient at the silence, Eli decided to open his mouth to demand a better answer than the poor excuse he had been given just a few minutes ago, until Tut’s erratic and foreign movements caught his attention, prompting him to reconsider.

...Do guilty people cry?

...Is Tut trying to manipulate me now, too?

Eli couldn’t decide how he felt or just what exactly he wanted to do here. He desperately wanted to shake the crying boy by the shoulders to get some answers, but felt as if he should also offer his hand or an embrace in comfort. Because, well, Tut being like this is just weird, and Eli couldn’t stomach it.

Yet, Eli would continue to stomach it no matter how he felt: how much he wanted to just fade out into obscurity, yell at Tut some more in hopes it’d cause his own failures to disappear, offer a half-hearted goodbye and refuse to speak to Tut ever again, or just pretend none of this ever happened at all and call him up to play Minecraft the next evening. But Eli had, essentially, shot Tut at point-blank; and while Eli would continue to watch him bleed out, he also refused to flee from his crime.

Eli could only stew a pool of his own guilt until Tut could finally articulate a thought for the first time in ten minutes.

“I’m sorry.” 

_ ‘I’m sorry’ _ ...that’s all Eli was going to get?

“For what?” Eli asked. The venom in his previous remarks to Tut had subsided a decent amount, but he still refused to back down, especially after all this.

“For everything, everything you accused me of - you’re right.” 

Eli is...right?

Of course he’s right, right? Too many rights - this was driving Eli insane. He felt like his head might just drop onto the hardboard floor and spin around in confusion. Can you create wrongs from rights? 

“You’re not...trying to manipulate me, are you?”

Eli braced himself for a hasty response, to ready himself up and fire back to tell Tut how wrong he was, but...Tut actually had to think about his answer.

“Maybe, I don’t know. Probably...If I am, I’m sorry for that too…” Tut choked. 

Eli failed to realize it at the moment, but something clicked. 

“You don’t know if you’re manipulating me?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I can answer that tonight.”

“Because you’re crying?”

“Well...yeah, sort of, in a way, but I haven’t really had a chance to think it through. You’re probably right about me,  _ about everything, _ but I’m not sure myself.” 

More clicks gone unnoticed, more questions that Eli could hardly articulate.

Eli felt like he was talking to a wall, having to claw his way to any answer he could. Seriously, what the fuck was up with this guy?!

“You’re...not sure that you’re manipulating us?” Eli asked, deep in confusion.

“Yeah, I never wanted this...I didn’t mean for this to happen, to hurt all of you, but you seem to have a much better grasp on everyone and yourself than I could ever hope to, so you’re probably right. But I still...I hadn’t considered it. I hadn’t considered my intentions. I just...did it.”

“You just ‘did it’?” Eli repeated, his head instinctively cocking to the side.

“Like, the game earlier tonight, the one you said I planned because I was bored. I wasn’t thinking, really, I just threw the kiss thing out there to change the topic around on me. But I wasn’t expecting...I was, I dunno, thinking you’d all  _ just make fun of me _ , that we’d get a laugh out of it like all the other questions and move on. But...I didn’t, God, I never wanted this to happen.”

Eli sat flabbergasted as Tut attempted explaining his thought process.

“Wh...why would we make fun of  _ you?” _

“I...dunno, I guess I felt stupid or something. It didn’t really matter to me at the time, I just wanted us to have fun.”

Shocked and utterly lost was all Eli could describe himself, at least, describing what he could put to words. Eli had never even considered the possibility that Tut didn’t actually plan for any of this in some capacity, had some sort of intention that didn’t include self-gain. Here, Tut painfully reminded Eli of Macy but so, so much worse. He put about as much thought into his emotions as Macy, yet was driven by them without realizing what set him off in the first place. At least Macy knew why she was mad. Tut, on the other hand - he truly just couldn’t comprehend it.

“Making fun of you kissing us was...your idea of fun?” Eli asked, perplexed. If the situation were not so horribly... _ horrible _ , Eli was sure Macy might love to dissect Tut’s thought processes into her uniquely written “Macy Data”, then work herself into a huff when they couldn’t understand.

“I mean, it made me a easy target, right? That hopeless idiot, in love with his friends with zero chance...pathetic, right? I guess you guys wouldn’t have known the details, but, like I said, I didn’t put any thought into it.” 

Okay, out of all the things Tut had said tonight, that one made the least sense. Did he just completely miss Eli’s feelings from earlier? Or how invested Macy was in that...ugh, kiss? Tut was so convinced that no one seemed even the least bit interested, yet he was oblivious to the clear facts which proved him wrong.

“Wait, you know how I feel about you, right…? Macy said it herself. You were there for that.” Eli questioned.

“Did she, really? I just assumed that was a joke to make fun of you and me, considering her spite.”

“But I fought back, wanted her to shut her stupid mouth…”

“Well, yeah, why wouldn’t you? She made up feelings just to get us back the same way we got her with that crush on Tim. Of course you’d be mad.  _ She lied.”  _

For the first time, Eli wished Tut wasn’t so confident. He hoped Tut was faking or something, but this...he really did believe no one liked him in return.

Eli couldn’t believe what he was hearing. All the crushes revealed earlier were...they were real, right? Macy’s feelings weren't just made up by Tut to get back at her the same way he felt he was wronged, were they? And Tut...just how far convinced was he that no one reciprocated his own?

A part of Eli’s heart broke at the thought that Macy’s now-supposed crush was just some fabrication made of spite. He would have to ask Tut about it later. As much as that was most of the fuel driving Eli to this very point, this exchange with Tut gave Eli so many answers, yet left him with so many more questions. What Eli did know, though, is that Tut was not as malicious as Eli had convinced himself. Regardless of the results, this idiot, genuinely...he was just stupid. That’s it.

All night, Eli had appointed himself into a position of righteousness, as if everyone was always wronging him. He was so deep into the idea of being right about Tut’s intentions that he ignored his own fatal flaws - which undoubtedly shaped the turn of events he was currently trying to tie to a single individual. An individual who really...didn’t deserve this abuse.

So that’s why he felt so uneasy, so sick, it wasn’t just the anxiety of confrontation: Eli was wrong, too. Maybe he can finally make something right. He took a deep sigh, rummaged a few words around in his brain, and spoke his mind, thankfully with a now broader understanding of just about everything.

“Tut...I’m. Also sorry.”

Tut had been avoiding eye contact for the entire duration of the conversation, yet with a single remark, Eli had caught his attention to the fullest. Despite the stare, Eli managed to continue without as much trouble as he had anticipated. 

“Eli? Why are you sorry? I’m the one that hurt all of you so badly.” 

“No, it wasn’t just you. Tut, I, ugh. I’m no better. I’m such an asshole. You didn’t deserve this.”

“What do you mean…?” Tut was so genuinely confused. It pained Eli to see him so...well, unlike himself.

  
Jesus, how much would Tut be tugged around tonight? First Eli came in screaming at a confused Tut about how manipulative he was, and now Eli was trying to tell him  _ no, I’m just as bad, and you didn’t deserve it _ , with the poor guy staring blanks at him yet again?

“I shouldn't have yelled at you like... _ that _ , painting you as some supervillain. Like, yeah you messed up, obviously, but, you didn't mean it. It wasn't malicious.”

Despite Tut’s razor gaze, Eli continued.

“You aren't a horrible person.” 

Eli could swear Tut’s eyes begin to well up once more.

“I’m…not? But you said -”

“I know! And that's why - ughhh…” Eli brought his hands to his face in frustration. 

“I said some really shitty things to you. I was just so…insanely frustrated and jealous all night that I took it out on you. Like, yeah I was upset with what you did but. I shouldn't have taken it so far. We could've just talked it out like normal fucking people and had a decent conversation about it instead of me stripping you down so harshly. And then my own involvement from the game, earlier, I’m just as guilty. I unfairly spilled Macy’s crush too. I’m...sorry, I messed up. I’m really sorry.”

Tut laughed a little under his breath.

“I guess that makes two of us, huh?”

Eli uncovered his face to finally make eye contact after what felt like an eternity of shame. 

“Y-yeah…”

“Well, even though we talked about it, I still haven't apologized to who needs it. I’m going to talk to Macy tomorrow. I should talk to Tim, too, I guess I...owe him an explanation.” Tut remarked. 

Eli hesitantly nodded. 

God, Eli didn't know how he had been able to suppress his own tears at this point. Maybe the level of extremity that his emotions have been kicked up to all night just numbed him out completely. 

“I need to talk to her too. I’ll...ugh, she might not want to look at me tonight. But I should try, at least, even a little bit. I just can't stand knowing I’ve hurt her so bad.” Eli muttered.

“Yeah. Even if you just said you're sorry and would explain later - I think it would go a long way.” 

Tut was right. As scary as it is to talk to Macy when she's upset, even a simple sorry is the best way to get redemption. He could explain later in detail. 

Speaking of sorries, Tut hadn’t said anything about Eli’s apology.

“Um, I know I already said it but. I really am sorry, Tut. I don’t know how I can make it up to you, so just. Let me know what I can do, okay? I...I feel so bad, I just want to see you smile again.” 

Eli almost got exactly what he wanted, as Tut cracked him a soft smile in return.

“It’s okay. I forgive you, but…”

Eli’s heart sank.

“But?”

“I do wanna know why you were so upset and, as you put it: jealous.” 

Oh...okay, looks like this one wasn't going to wait as he had planned. Eli wasn't going to talk about it to spare Tut from further feeling-talk, but considering how big of a role it played tonight, maybe it really  _ was  _ worth discussing now.

Eli fidgeted in his seat, attempting to articulate the massive amount of emotions he had felt all night into a string of words that would make sense. 

“Um, well...I,” 

Tut looked impatient.

“Ugh, fuck, it might be easier to say it this way. Remember when you said Macy liked me?”

Now Tut was shooting him a curious look.

“That? Yeah, I remember. I was trying to get Macy back for being a…” Tut trailed off his thought there and looked a little guilty, refusing to finish.

“Uh, yeah. Anyway. I...like her too, I have for, like, fuck. Ten years.”

If Tut has a cup in his hand, it would have spilt and ricocheted all over the floor. He looked astonished. 

“OHHH. So that's why you - oh, holy shit, everything makes so much sense now. And that's why you're so weird when they hang out, when I said she - or with that coat thing, and the…”

Tut trailed off, lost in discovery.

“...Wow.”

Eli was completely flustered, only managing to squeak out a small “yes” in response. Come to think of it...Tut was the first person Eli had ever revealed this particular crush to. 

“Yeah, I, fuck, you're the first person I’ve ever told -”

“I’m honoured.” Tut interrupted. It almost sounded like he was back to his usual self, and Eli couldn't have been happier to hear it.

“Hah, yeah. Listen, I tried getting over her so many times, but I can't for long. I fucking hate feeling jealous all the time. It makes me...do stupid shit, like, everything that just happened tonight. I was at one of my breaking points.” Eli recalled.

Tut started to look a little confused.

“I don't get it, though. Did she reject you or something?”

“No! I haven’t even told her.” Eli stammered.

“What? You? Mr. Flirt? Haven't told her for  _ ten years?”  _ Tut prodded. 

“Ugh - I know! I've been dropping hints for that long, though! I've tried so hard! I know Macy has a hard time with things like, confessions and emotional shit like that, so I always thought that if I tried making my feelings clear without putting her on the spot, she’d get the message. And if she felt the same, she’d do something about it. But since she hasn’t, I assumed she just didn’t like me.”

Tut shot him an incredulous look. Hey? 

“Eli...oh my God.” 

What?!

“You can't just - you can't live off subtext alone, bro. Macy clearly hasn't gotten it this whole time.”

“I - yeah...but it's not like I can just confess to her now.” Eli muttered, defeated. 

“You have to be like, upfront with her, but in a relaxing way, y'know?” Tut suggested.

Despite Tut’s genuine intentions, Eli couldn't help but feel that tinge of jealousy comfortably settle back in.

“Yeah, thanks, I’m getting confession advice for my best friend from the guy that made out with her first. And liked it.”

“Well, I messed up the first time and made it up to her, sort of. Anyway, I didn't know.” 

Eli winced, realizing his actions. Stop being a dick! 

“Ah - yeah. I’m sorry. You’re right.” 

Eli shifted in his seat, lost in thought. 

“I don’t think there’s much point anymore, thanks to Tim. Oh, and Mitch, and like, everything that ever fucking happens.”

Tut looked a little annoyed.

“Dude, all that happened because  _ you let it happen. _ Like, if you had been honest whoever knows how many years ago, maybe you and Macy would be making out while high right now, and then me and Tim would be the jealous ones. But at least you would’ve shot your shot. We can't compete with that.”

One little confession all those years ago…

“Yeah but -”

“All I’m saying is, you probably thought it was too late then, and you think it’s too late now, but the only time it’s too late is if Tim puts a ring on her finger, or like, whatever the fuck Macy wants to commit to. You know her better than me.”

Eli felt like he was about to explode. Macy and Tim being a thing sure did bother him, but it felt like so much more than what he initially thought. What if...and here’s a crazy idea, Eli wanted... _ both? _ But then what about Tut? He...really, really liked Tut, too. Speaking of liking Tut - that sad bastard had to answer about those fake feelings. 

“You’re right, but, Tut, you said something earlier that’s been driving me crazy.” Eli muttered.

Driving him crazy in more ways than one…

Tut perked up. 

“Hm?”

“When you said Macy ‘made up’ those feelings about you...”

In an instant, Tut’s expression deflated. Now he couldn’t even hold eye contact.

“Oh, that. What about it.”

“Did you...uh, make up those feelings Macy had of me just to get her back?”

Eli tried to cross every limb he had. Please, please, please, please say no. 

“Uhm...sort of.” Tut weakly muttered.

Eli felt his entire world shatter around him, hoping the fake glass would pierce him so fatally he’d die. Yeah he was exaggerating, but this was everything to him. Wait... _ sort of? _ Taking any shred of hope he could, Eli asked, 

“What do you mean ‘sort of’?”

Tut tried thinking for a moment. 

“Well, she’s talked about you before, but in a way that didn’t always seem platonic. It’s hard to remember sometimes because...well, you know Macy hates being vulnerable, so the only times she’s talked about something as sensitive as her feelings was if she was drunk or high, but then I was also stoned too, so…” 

Didn’t always seem platonic? Keep remembering!

“Anyway, now that I think of it, I faintly remember her being pissed off at you?”

Eli frowned in defeat. Oh, great, as if she wasn’t already.

“It was...um...oh, yeah, she seemed upset that you were friends or something? Sorry, my memory is shot right now.”

Now she doesn’t even want to be friends anymore? Eli’s life was falling apart.

“Fuck, Tut, what do I do…” 

“Ask her.”

“No way, she’ll kill me - and you.”

“Don’t be that obvious, then!”

Eli rose from his seat, hands once again plastered to his face in frustration. Pacing around the room, his thoughts stirred in a frenzy. Everything was so fucking hard! He’s been in love with Macy for so long, now he likes his other two friends, but it looks like they like Macy too, and the thought of Eli not being with her - fuck! Fuuuuuck…

Can he just give up and tell Tut about those feelings the man thinks are shiny and fake? Rush home to Macy and spill everything he’s thought about her since he could read, hoping to God she won’t punch him in the face? Text Tim and try to? Ugh, all of these suck. Eli loses no matter what. Was this his fault for being a dick all night? Did he piss off Cupid somehow?

Could he...do all of those at once?

No - Jesus, fuck, no, there’s no way that’d even work. Plus, Tim probably doesn’t even like him.

“Dude, are you okay?” Tut asked, a worried look washed over his face.

“Tut. I’m...so lost. I just can’t stop  _ thinking, _ like it’s the only thing I can ever do.”

Tut let out a relieved laugh. Did he already know the answer?

“I think, actually, hah, I don’t really think, but  _ feel _ like the best thing for you to do is to shut off that brain of yours and just act on your feelings for once. You seem to get lost in your own head.” Tut suggested. 

Man, if Eli acted on how he felt, he would have...oh, guess that’s the point, huh.

Okay. Act on how he feels. Easy, right?

_ I’ll try...hey, Tut, not to bring up those fake feelings again, but...the thing Macy said, about mine? About you? They weren’t fake. I really do like you. _

Is what Eli WOULD have said if he wasn’t a fucking coward.

He doubted that would go over well, especially considering the emotional rollercoaster the night had already spiralled into. Plus, Eli had just stripped Tut down so harshly he  _ cried _ . That wasn’t going to win him any points. But...he did get to apologize. Eli had no regrets about that. 

Speaking of apologies, Eli owed Macy a real good one. Fuck all this stupid crush shit! What mattered most was making amends with his best friend.

“Once again Tut, you’re right.” Eli sighed.

Tut cocked a smug smile. 

“Heh. Good.” 

“I’m still sorry about...earlier. I’ll make it up to you soon. Smoothies or something? Whatever you want. Just. I hope you have a good night, and know that I,” Eli trailed off.

_ Really like you. _

“Really value you as a friend. A lot.” He finished.

There was nothing Eli would have wished to see more than Tut’s warm smile. Thank God he got it in spades.

“Thanks, bro. We can talk about it tomorrow. What are you going to do now, though?” Tut curiously asked. 

“I’m going to apologize to Macy, first and foremost. I need to fix our relationship - even if it's just our friendship.” 

Tut looked...genuinely happy. Eli couldn’t believe how relaxed a stupid face would make him.

“I’m proud of you. I’m going to talk to her tomorrow and set things straight, too. But it wouldn’t hurt if you slipped in some of my remorse when you talk to her.” 

Eli nodded. 

“I will, don’t worry.”

Taking his leave, Eli slipped his shoes back into their snug fit and made his way towards the door. He shot Tut a comforting smile as the two awkwardly exchanged their goodbyes. Eli was seriously going to work out that apology on the way home, but the last thing he wanted was to get lost in his own head again. 

Eli’s hand slid away from the knob as the lock settled in place. Taking stride down the hall, he had a plan. At least, this time, Eli knew the right thing to do.

One down, one to go. 


	4. Chapter 4

“Oh, want us to w-”

“No.”

Tim dared not speak until the two were far enough away from...whatever it was that Eli was about to do. “Two” as in himself and Macy, this time. His heart would have normally jumped at the thought of spending time with Macy -  _ alone _ at that _.  _ It was something Tim treasured every moment of. Unfortunately like most things tonight, there was always something...off-putting in the air, dampening the mood significantly. Especially whatever it was that they were apparently forbidden from being audience to. Eli was acting awfully suspicious after that kiss. Or, er, makeout. 

Two times now in a single night Tim had been awkwardly paired with one of his friends as they navigated through the repetitive, dimly lit apartment hallways. This time, thankfully, Tim wasn't as useless as before. He’d been to Tut’s place a few instances in the past considering the roommate-mishap, (long story, sorry), severely cutting down his anxiety. Despite his familiarity, Macy chugged forward at a much quicker pace. Determined, hasteful...ah, she must have been really upset…

Tim bit his tongue. He talked way too much, but felt it rude to refuse any sort of conversation with her. 

Speaking of Macy - what a scene he and Eli stumbled onto…first he found out that she liked him back, second that  _ nickname _ (oh how he desperately wished she would call him that to his face), and finally he found Macy aggressively making out with Tut of all people? Not that Tut was...bad, but, well, considering how he treated her moments before, Tim didn't exactly think very highly of him. Neither should Macy, right? 

Tim shook his head. That wasn't his business, but...wow, it sure did get him going. Tim felt his face flush at the sudden memory. He hoped Eli didn't think too hard about how Tim had suddenly hid behind him after that spectacle...

The flush of his face was quickly whisked away as the two stepped outside, now adjusted to the cool autumn air. Snapping back to reality, Tim remembered Macy had offered to walk to the train station with him back when they were all walking to Tut’s place. Normally he would go on his own, especially since it was a pretty hefty walk, but Macy insisted she tag along. He was comfortably familiar with the route since he frequented the place so often to get to and from school - not to mention how often he hangs out at Tut’s or Eli’s, but felt warm at the gesture regardless. Eli was supposed to have joined them, but considering the scene they had just been essentially kicked out of...Eli seemed to have other plans for the night. 

Before Tim could even open his mouth, Macy had already made pace down the street. 

Okay...this was getting awkward. Maybe he could cheer her up? 

As Tim jogged his way up to catch Macy’s determined speed, he blurted, “Are you okay?” 

Macy hesitated.

“...No. Not really.”

“Why?”

Oh my God - wait, don't say that. Tim mentally face-slapped himself. Why did he say  _ why?  _ She’s gonna think he's an idiot! 

“Ugh, I dunno, some pricks thought it’d be fun to share my secrets around a little circle and now they're off doing SOMETHING behind my back.” Macy gritted.

Tim caught her gaze for a brief moment, just enough to make note of the way her wet eyes sparkled, reflecting the neon signs of local businesses down the busy street. 

Macy caught his, too, her frustrated expression suddenly turning to something...guilty. 

Macy muttered under her breath.

“Sorry.” 

Tim brought his hands up by instinct.

“It’s okay! I’d be really upset too.”

“You don't think I’m overreacting?” Macy asked, a quiver settled into her voice. 

“No! Of course not. They were really insensitive. There's no shame in being hurt, no matter how much you feel.” 

Despite Tim’s hesitations throughout their heated argument from earlier, he would have been quicker to Macy’s defense - if he wasn't so flustered, that is. At least that’s what he had been telling himself ever since it came to an abrupt end with Tut’s dashing disappearance. Tim wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but he had been replaying the scenario over and over, a scenario in which he could have been more useful, wasn't such a coward. It always ended better in his versions. Tut never ran off, Macy didn't cry…

Actually, now that he thought about it, tonight was the first time Tim had ever seen Macy exhibit any emotion that made her so vulnerable. Seeing Macy so broken and exasperated just made every part of his body desperately yell at him to reach out to her in comfort. Obviously that didn't happen. It might have made things worse, honestly.

The businesses the two had been steadily passing by began closing their doors as the duo trudged their way through the cold streets. Tim checked his phone: 8:50. Trains ran late on weekends, thankfully. 

“Thank you…” Macy whispered, still determined to maintain her quick pace. 

“Of course. I’m really sorry the night ended up like this.” 

Macy sighed. 

“It's okay, it wasn't your fault. But to be honest...you're the only one I can trust right now.”

Only one she can trust...the honour certainly felt nice, though was there something deeper to that statement, he wondered?

Tim played with his hands, deciding to dive right in.

“Why is that?” 

“I just...ugh. I still feel like I’m overreacting. My mind jumps right to like, worst case scenario, every fucking time. It makes me so irritable and I can't read anyone's intentions with certainty.” 

That certainly made sense, especially considering Tut and Eli’s unknown motives. 

“I still don't think you're overreacting, though, especially not tonight. Like, we still don't know  _ why _ a lot of this happened. Who knows what was going through their heads? But I do know one of them regrets it.”

Macy grimaced.

“Eli?” 

“Yeah. I'm sure you can expect an apology from him really soon, he sounded genuinely upset, too.” 

Tim couldn't really tell the look on Macy's face, but it felt like he might have eased her fears about one of them, at least, he hoped he did. 

Macy didn't respond, leaving Tim clinging onto that hope in silence. 

The longer that silence continued, the more uneasy Tim felt to break it. Not that he minded the quiet, considering it'd be awfully hard keeping up a conversation with Macy at this point. The two were currently walking above the highway, passing cars so disruptively loud that Tim could hardly hear himself think. Their speed was incredible, causing Tim to feel shaky and uneasy as he seemingly safely walked past their parade. He was definitely still getting used to navigating cities despite how familiar he was with the walk to the station. He wondered if he could ever get truly used to it, a comfortable foreignness. 

Macy seemed unaffected by the commotion underneath her. Well, figures. She’s lived in cities all her life, Tim recalled. 

The station was only a few more blocks past the bridge, giving Tim at least a few minutes to reflect. Maybe start a conversation if he could come up with something worthwhile. Whatever, it happens when it happens. For now, maybe he should think about…

_ “How long have you liked Tim for? Feels like since you met.” _

_ “Didn’t you call him Timby when he wasn't around?”  _

Replaying those two sentences sent Tim into a flustered frenzy. No matter how many times he repeated them, those words never failed to fill him with such giddy, youthful glee like any other. He had been quite unlucky in relationships before, well, perhaps not unlucky, but...hesitant. Okay, Tim was kind of exaggerating on the amount. He had only dated one person before; someone in his high school’s GSA club that took an unusual liking to him that Tim couldn't reciprocate no matter how hard he tried. Though thinking about it again certainly welcomed an uncomfortable pit of regret and guilt in his gut, a feeling he wished would just shrivel up and die already.

This time though, this time Tim knew what he wanted. His eagerness to please wasn't going to get taken advantage of anymore.

Tim wanted to reach out to Macy so bad, softly intertwining their fingers, letting her know it'd be okay…

Ah - slow down. Macy’s been through enough tonight. Tim could approach her another time about this. The last thing she needs is further emotional turmoil, especially concerning her feelings. 

No matter the hopeful thinking, no matter what came of tonight, Tim just wanted to be there for her. Let Macy know she wasn't alone. Yet here he was, dragging Macy along on an elaborate trip just to turn around and ditch her whenever his train arrived. Tim bit his nail, a wave of guilt beginning to consume him. But he couldn't invite himself over, that'd be rude. Though he didn't want to leave her either. He’d do...something, Tim promised to himself.

After their voice-less and arduous trek through the main street, the station was finally in view. Another four minutes or so of walking through the vast parking lot and they would finally get to sit down for a little while.

Watching his planned train settle in to the station and take its leave faster than the two could speed-walk through the parking lot was not how Tim expected to spend the next...however long it took for the next eastbound train to show up. Macy seemed unaware the train she had glanced at as it made its slow, loud stop at the station was THE train she was currently trying to get Tim on. Tim doubted she would be happy to hear that. 

Upon reaching the building, Macy surprisingly held the door open for the trailing boy behind her to enter first. Despite Tim’s attempt to keep his findings under wraps, he couldn't hide his sliver of disappointment from Macy’s observant gaze, prompting her to speak up for the first time in fifteen minutes.

“What’s up?” 

“Um, well, I just missed the train I was trying to get on.”

“Oh.” 

The two awkwardly took a seat in front of a flashing monitor which displayed the current train schedule. The place was small, cramped, and honestly pretty shady. Tim was used to it now, sure, but the uncanny creepiness of the place never really faded. It was instead replaced by a cloak of routine and familiarity. Sitting in such a position that would scream uncomfortable to anyone else but her, Macy settled herself in on Tim's right.

“When’s the next one, then?” She spoke, monotone. 

Tim glanced at the monitor mounted above him, his eyes squinted to somehow adjust for his poor sight. Contacts didn't get his prescription as precise as glasses could, but he always thought he looked stupid with them on, especially around his friends.

“Looks like half an hour, I think.” 

“Oh, okay.” 

That’s it? Tim was expecting some snarky comment or complaint from Macy, especially given tonight's recent events. Was she planning on staying with him until his train arrived? Macy looked awfully...comfy in that seat, by her standards at least.

“You aren't going home?” Tim asked.

“I’m not gonna leave you here.” 

“It's okay, I'm used to this place. You don't have to wait around for nothing. I’m really glad you walked with me, though.” 

“It’s not nothing…” Macy muttered, head turned to a sightless window. 

“Now I gotta ask  _ you _ \- what's up?” 

“Why can't I just hang out with you for however long it takes for this train to show up? It’s not that big of a deal.” 

Tim laughed to himself. Macy’s famous I’m-upset-but-won't-tell-you words:  _ It’s not that big of a deal.  _ Actually, they weren't really that famous. Despite Macy’s efforts of being unreadable, Tim didn't seem to have too much trouble figuring her out. Not that he was trying to flaunt it. Tim genuinely enjoyed learning everything she had to offer, eager to know more. Taking tonight's events into account, he imagined Macy must have an avalanche of emotions piled up, constantly being shoved down at every attempt to resurface. 

“It’s okay to talk about what's bugging you.” Tim softly remarked. 

While the station was sparsely filled with soon-to-be passengers, Tim spoke as if himself and Macy were the only people in the room. It seemed like she felt it too. 

“I - I just feel alone...but don't pity me or anything, or like, feel like you have to give me special treatment or something, fuck I shouldn't have even said th-”

“It’s okay! You're not alone, I promise.” Tim interrupted, eager to calm her fears of judgement. 

Macy sighed. 

“But you're leaving, and then I'm gonna have to walk home by myself...” 

Before Tim could respond, Macy butted in to correct herself.

“Fuck, I sound like a twelve year old. God, nevermind. I swear I’ve walked a lot by myself. I’m not needy or anything.” Macy recoiled, attempting to claw herself out of her slip of words. 

Tim offered a gentle smile, assuming Macy wouldn't notice, despite how much he wanted her to. That's what he thought at first, anyway. He soon watched Macy’s face flush so slightly that Tim wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't been staring the entire time. Maybe she caught a glimpse in her peripheral? 

“Macy, it's okay. It’s okay to feel lonely.” 

“It is? You're the only one who thinks that, then.” Macy scoffed. 

“Well, it's not a good thing to be lonely, but it's a good thing to admit it. Other people are able help you when you let them know.” 

“I guess so…”

Well, Tim’s fears of Macy being lonely tonight unfortunately landed the mark. He didn't expect Macy to have actually opened up though, even the little bit that she had managed to was a feat. Now that he thought about it, she did mention that he was the only one she could currently trust. Tim needed to make it up to her. 

“Even if I have to go, we can still talk, okay? I’m not gonna leave you. We can text while you walk home.” 

“Really? But I won’t know what to talk about.”

“Anything you want! You seemed excited about that game, right? You can talk to me about that. Or I’ll find horrible conversation starters that people use on dating apps. Maybe they’ll make you laugh.”

Tim got what he wanted sooner than expected as Macy let out a silly giggle at his proposal. Macy’s laugh usually lit up the whole room, but tonight? Tim wished he could make her laugh over and over, just to see the upward curve of her lips, happily knowing she felt nothing but joy in the moment. 

“Yeah, I like that. I'll try.” Macy agreed. 

Despite Tim’s well-received solution, he couldn't help the aching feeling that he should be doing more. This feeling was driving him crazy - Tim never considered himself a...er, horny...? Individual? But, wait, that’s not the right word. Oh, that is  _ definitely  _ not the right word. Tim internally face-slapped himself again for the second time that night. It's not good to be horny. That’s, like, bad. You have to be married first.

_ I just want to touch her! But not in a weird way!! Like, hold her hand or something? But not in a weird way!!! I just want to help her feel better, I swear. _

Whatever the heck it is that Tim’s feeling, it was certainly not something he was used to. The poor mix of Macy’s current state, Tim’s general eagerness to help others, being a stupid relationship-shy nineteen year old, repressing any sort of extreme romantic feelings due to religion, and now freshly knowing that Macy likes him back is a lengthy yet horrible, horrible combo…

_ Okay, give it up. No more. Take it slow and simple. Want to make Macy feel better? Ask her what she needs. Ask her if she’d be okay with that. You don't know her in and out yet and even if you think you did, she still deserves the agency of her own choice. _

Tim swallowed.

“Hey, um, I wanna like, help a little bit more, now.” He stuttered, hardly any structure to the thoughts and string of words.

“Huh?” 

“Like, I wanna help you feel better before I go, but I don't know what you'd prefer. I can keep showing you Animal Crossing...or maybe play another game? Or show you pictures of the animals we have at home, or, uh,”

Macy stared at the flustered boy blankly as she intently awaited the rest of his proposal. Thanks to the interested audience, Tim somehow gathered the courage to deliver. 

“Holdhandsifyou’dliketo.” Tim blurted, barely comprehensible.

Wow...he actually said it! Can’t celebrate now, though. Tim made a mental note to make himself his favourite tea when he got home to revel in his accomplishment. IF he got home, that is, considering Macy didn’t rip his head off right then and there, and - oh, geez, she looked awfully flustered too. 

“Um, uh, that might be... _ nice _ , but,” Macy muttered, too tense to form a coherent response.

Despite Tim’s grand idea of asking, he didn't actually think too hard about how he would feel about being rejected. At least he tried, but he shouldn't have expected her to say yes. That alone was more of a fantasy than anything. Oh well, hindsight is 2020. Tim was about to apologize until Macy finished her thought.

“Can you still like, hold your phone in the other hand though?” She asked.

Oh? Tim perked with a newfound determination. If that’s what Macy needs, he sure can! 

Tim gave an earnest smile in response, practically beaming. 

“Do you want our dogs and cats first, or our livestock like sheep?” 

“Cats first...please.” Macy replied, seemingly just as excited. 

Tim quickly fished his phone out of his back pocket, inputting his passcode like wildfire. In an instant he had opened his folder of animal pictures excitedly ready to showcase them all one by one to a very intrigued Macy. Before he clicked on the first picture, Tim suddenly recalled the other thing.  _ That thing _ .

Tim held up his right hand, slightly curved in ease. 

“Ah, do you want to - ?”

Before Tim could even finish, Macy had suddenly lunged her left hand to face his own, palm to palm. It seemed like she was more of an actions person than a words one, but asking was still important either way. Tim somehow didn't feel stupid about it, instead feeling almost...excited that she was so impatient. If that could ever make sense. 

Tim grinned like a little schoolboy as his soft slender fingers curled in to make room between Macy’s small stubby ones, their hands resting gently on Tim’s long thigh. Macy was happy to return the sentiment, releasing a tender yet firm squeeze after settling her fingers into place in turn. 

The radiant image of his soft, light blue-polished fingers interlaced with Macy’s sturdy black-polished ones had suddenly found itself etched into Tim’s mind the second he dared observe what he had longingly dreamed of for...months, now. 

Ah, right. The pictures. 

Tim leaned deep into Macy’s space, passionately scrolling through each and every picture he had collected over the years. First, his abundance of cats, and then onto any picture of his animals he had the storage to preserve. Macy had particularly loved the cat ones, considering she requested them first, though found great intrigue with Tim’s wildly unique animals, at least by Macy’s standards. Sheep, some cattle, even little goats, all elicited many excited comments from the typically tough enby. 

“Holy shit,” “They’re so cute,” “Baby,” “Little man, friend, pal,” “Are you aware that you deadass own little furry babies? Unreal,” “Bring them back with you next time you go home.” 

Some of Tim’s favourites, which would have included them all if he had perfect memory.

As magical as their tender moment was, however, soon that thirty minute window approached closer to an end. Macy seemed to catch wind of the time when the small analog clock on Tim’s screen displayed 9:26.

“Hey, your train leaves soon.” Macy stated, a dejected tone in her voice. 

Tim turned his phone towards his face, squinting to read with clarity. 

“Ah! I don't want to miss it, this is the last one tonight.” He cried, locking his phone and shoving it back into his pocket. 

“Sorry I didn't get to show you all the pictures, but I hoped they helped.” 

“It’s all good. And yeah, they did. A lot. And, um,” Macy glanced down at their hands, still softly interlocked. 

“I-I’m glad that helped too.” Tim added. 

There was a brief moment where Tim nearly refused to move, unable to detach himself from Macy’s warm embrace. 

_ Would he ever get to feel this again? _

Tim soon felt his misty hands meet with the cool air of the station as Macy brought hers back to the familiar comfort of her lap. It seemed like as eager as she was to initiate, Macy was also the first to detach, too.

“You seriously need to get going or you're gonna miss it.” 

Well, Tim assumed that was out of care. She was sweet in her own Macy way. 

“Yeah...yeah. Sorry, I don't mean to make you worry.” Tim replied, flashing an embarrassed smile as he shuffled to his feet. 

Tim clumsily wrangled his arms through the handles of his knapsack, adjusting his sleeves after finally settling in. Oh, right, his card. After digging through his bag for his wallet, Tim pulled out his transit card, safely slipping it into his deep coat pocket. As Tim prepared himself to take leave, Macy had risen from her own seat to see him off. Not that Tim knew at first, of course, she basically scared him half to death when he turned his head to say goodbye, wholly expecting her still seated. 

“Oh! Um, I’ll talk to you soon.” 

“Yeah...listen, even though I really appreciated our...thing, can you please still text me?” Macy trailed off, barely incomprehensible by the time she had shared her question.

“Of course. I wasn't intending on breaking that promise.” Tim smiled. His eyes widened a bit realizing that he hadn’t gotten to thank Macy twice as she had deserved for tagging along so late at night. 

“Oh yeah, thank you for walking with me again. I usually come and go by myself, but it was really nice, even if we didn't get to talk much.” 

“You're welcome...maybe I’ll tag along more often.” 

“But I thought you didn't want to walk home alone?”

“There's a fee for that. You have to text me the whole way home.” 

That, in Tim’s eyes, was more of a gift than any sort of fee. 

“I can do that!” Tim replied enthusiastically. 

“Heh, settled.” Macy stated, releasing a small chuckle of amusement. 

Tim could have stared as long as it took to memorize the bountiful details strewn across Macy’s face as the two stood opposite to each other, too tense to make a move, until -

“Oh my fuckin’ God dude, you gotta go.” Macy demanded, her sturdy arms quickly met Tim’s ribs as she began pushing the tall boy towards the passage stairs by force.

“Ah - sorry! Okay! I'm going!” Tim yelped, staggering backwards to regain control of his accelerating momentum near the ticket machines. 

“...See you.” Macy waved. 

Tim turned his head back to the row of seats as Macy stood with a genuine smile on her face. She looked...happy. Tim had done it. 

Tim flashed his transit card to the reader and descended into the small underground passage underneath the tracks, navigating his way to the platform leading him home. He just couldn't brush off the sticky smile that had been plastered on his face for who knows how long now, unable to offer a care in the world if anyone had questioned it. 

His designated train loudly settled into the tracks as Tim emerged from the passage. Tim quickly boarded to his seat, whichever one was the closest. He paid little mind to the details this time around - it didn't matter. Within seconds, Tim had unlocked his phone and eagerly opened his chat history with Macy. As he began to type, Tim realized: 

_ If he wanted to hold her hand again, he could just ask. _


	5. Chapter 5

Eli silently walked through his barren apartment hallways for what felt like the millionth time that night, hoping this would be the last. He tipped his phone upwards to check if any notifications had magically come through.

Unfortunately, his phone was still blank just as it was thirty seconds ago. Eli stared at his lockscreen. It was a picture of Macy, Tut, Tim, and himself - specifically cropped so that he and Macy were the most visible. When asked about it Eli had just deemed himself a narcissist to avoid having preference for one friend over the other. But it wasn’t really a preference...just, complicated.

Oh, right. His phone can tell the time too. 10:17. Macy might be asleep by now, but she also tends to stay up late. Though on the odd occasion she dozes off weirdly early. Tonight might unsurprisingly be one of those nights.

As Eli paced down the hall closer and closer to his door, something...came into view. Some sort of mass, curled up on the ground next to the wall by his apartment door. The closer Eli got, the hairier the mass looked, until it hit him all at once like a strike of lightning:

That was Macy. 

Fuck! 

_ As Eli’s keys clicked in his stuffed pocket, he noticed Macy’s hanging on the hook before locking up. Eli suddenly recalled some choice instances where she had forgotten her own: calling him at 3AM, sending a thousand text messages, hunting him down on campus…  _

Macy didn’t have her keys. Eli knew this. He knew this yet he subconsciously shoved the memory down to create space for his anger, his resentment, his jealousy, only to be pathetically proven wrong. Scraping up his dignity by profusely apologizing to Tut and leaving as soon as he could to offer the boy some well-deserved peace. 

This wasn’t uncommon, though, but the way Macy had handled the situation this time around was unheard of. She had always texted him, called him, or at worst (perhaps best): tracked him down personally. Yet here she was, dead asleep on the very disgusting hasn't-been-vacuumed-in-months carpet outside the door to her own apartment, locked out of her own home. Willingly. She didn’t even attempt to contact Eli at all. He winced at the realization.

Eli quietly approached a dead-asleep Macy, curled on her side, as if she was some wild animal that could wake up at any moment. Her head was pillowed by her right arm and the left gently gripped onto her phone near her face, leaving Eli to assume she had fallen asleep staring at the device. Most of her body was covered by her coat; the same coat Eli had given her about two hours ago during one of his little emo moments. 

As Eli curled down to his knees in front of her, Macy’s face suddenly lit up. Eli took a brief second to think about what he was about to do.

Soon the awaited notification came into view as Eli contorted his position to hover overtop of Macy, slightly sliding the phone out of her loose grip, despite the obvious fact that he seriously shouldn’t be doing this right now. Or ever.

_ “Goodnight Macy <3” _

One sentence was all it took to morph Eli’s curious face into a conflicted frown. Who was this dude sending hearts to her, huh? Wishing her goodnight, putting a slight smile on her face as she slept…

It was Tim. Obviously. But...he was good to her. He must have been texting Macy while she waited for an unreliable Eli to come sulking home, keeping her entertained and offering company as she laid alone outside her own apartment. As much as Eli wanted to stew in some form of comfortable jealousy, he knew the truth. They were good to each other, made each other happy. Macy deserved someone as sweet as Tim in every way. 

Feeling like this was driving Eli insane. He needed closure, lest he continue this up-and-down feelings game with Macy for the rest of his life - both their lives. 

Even if it was being honest with his feelings…

To Macy’s face...

And getting rejected. 

But before he could psych himself up, Macy began to stir. Eli shot back in an instant, now planted firmly on his behind as the exhausted enby furrowed her eyebrows and contorted her body into the weirdest stretch ever: curling her spine, extending her legs and arms and even slightly rolling over. Soon Macy was long stretched out. She clumsily opened her eyes to a very guilty looking Eli, staring right back at her.

“Oh. You.” Macy spat, shuffling to sit upwards. 

Eli rose to his feet in hopes to pry her cold stare off of him.

“Hey…” Eli offered.

Macy did not falter, keeping her intent and obviously pissed off look pointed right at him.

“Thanks for locking me out.” 

“Look, I’m sorry -”

“Whatever. Just let me in.” 

“No, I mean, I’m sorry for everything.” Eli defended, his voice shaky.

This seemed to piss Macy off even further, who somehow looked even more mad than before. 

“Would you let me inside already?” She demanded, now standing to meet Eli face to face. Even though Macy was an only inch shorter, she was ten times as threatening. 

“Y-yeah. I’ll do that.” Eli mumbled, shuffling the few keys on his ring to pick out his specific rainbow coloured one. He and Macy had picked it out together when replacing the keys after she moved in that summer. As soon as the lock slid out of place, Eli held the door open to allow a very exhausted Macy to tiredly stomp her way inside, hoping it’d win him some points, assuming she would ever keep score - and care. 

But to Eli’s surprise, Macy didn't immediately escape to her room like he had assumed she would. She...sat down at the couch. Well, sprawled out on it, really. 

“I’m starving.” Macy remarked, though clearly a demand if you knew her. 

Eli knew what that meant.

“What do you want?”

“I dunno, food. You’re good at it.” 

Macy assumed Eli would listen (of course he did - he owed her big time) and rested her body on the arm of the couch, closest to the kitchen where Eli had soon found himself in. 

Food, huh? Considering the two would likely sleep soon, with Macy well on her way there, Eli decided to go for something light but filling enough that it was worth the effort. He decided on some form of “discount” ramen, a typically custom meal himself and Macy enjoyed making suited to their own preferences. It wasn't even ramen, honestly. Just used those typical noodles. He began boiling a pot of water and fished out a pack of sealed beef in the fridge they kept on hand in bulk specifically for these situations. Eli scrolled through his dashboard as he impatiently waited for the bubbles to appear, indicating he could finally pour the noodles in and close the lid to move onto the meat. 

Eli didn't want to flatter himself that Macy would bother to look at him, but he really couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched. He dared not look back though. Every glimpse in his peripheral showed a sleepy Macy with eyes that were very much closed. 

As Eli dumped the package of noodles into the pot and settled into his routine, he couldn't help but notice there was little left for him to think about. Did he take Tut’s advice so far that he just straight up couldn't think anymore? Or had Eli finally found the answer, leaving nothing left but nervously waiting until he could manage to choke it out? 

Unsurprisingly, Eli ended up thinking so hard about how he couldn't think that he had unconsciously completed cooking everything, leaving him with only the task to serve his and Macy’s bowls to finish it off. Wait - Macy’s needed one thing. Two things, really. Eli headed towards the fridge to grab a bottle of hot sauce and a bell pepper. For some insane reason, Macy  _ really _ loved spicy stuff. Oh, and some small cuts of pepper in her ramen too. For the “cronch”, she would always explain. 

Macy must have picked up on the smell, as she had already dragged the coffee table back in front of the couch that had been relocated earlier that night to accommodate their previous company. Macy eagerly sat in her usual favourite spot. She seemed a little bit happier as Eli approached her, a large serving tray in his grip. He knew this was one of her favourites by heart. 

Instead of scooting up as close as he could right beside her like he used to, Eli grabbed one of the numerous couch cushions to sit on instead, oppositely facing Macy, yet not exactly eye to eye. Given the fact that he was on the floor. 

Macy quickly muttered a small “thank you” and excitedly went right to work in polishing her bowl off in record time. Though “record time” was not necessarily as fast as Eli had hoped. Despite her speed, the two still sat in an uncomfortable slurping silence for about eight minutes. Eight minutes of Eli being unable to do nothing but eat his stupid food and wish he could just get everything over with and tell her already! 

The two had finished off their bowls, prompting Eli to collect the dishes and cutlery into a neat stack on the tray.

Eli thought about it for a moment. He still had to fix their friendship first, no matter what. God, when could he ever get control of this? Maybe he'd have to start somewhere simple, like finishing off that apology he attempted to get out earlier. 

“Hey, Macy?” Eli began. No turning back now.

“What.” Macy replied, deadpan. 

“I still mean what I said. Earlier, when I tried to apologize. I’m so sorry for what I did.”

Macy looked almost suspicious.

“For what?”

Of course, Macy was going to make him re-confront what Eli had done just to make sure he was well aware of what turmoil he had caused her. 

“For...releasing your personal and secret feelings in front of Tut and Tim. Um, Tim especially.” Eli shuffled in his seat nervously, recalling the memory. 

Macy didn't seem satisfied, though.

“And?” She began to lean forward, elbows resting on her thighs. 

...And? What was she referring to now?

“What do you mean?” Eli asked, confused. 

“Ugh. Do you not recall like, fucking ditching me and Tim so you and Tut could go off and do some shady shit behind my back? Something so shady you didn't even want me around? Don't think I didn't notice! I’m not stupid!” Macy yelled, her voice quivering the more upset she became. 

Eli held his hands up in defense

“You're not stupid - I'm sorry, I wasn’t there to do anything shady about you, I promise.”

“Then what was it about!” Macy demanded. 

Ugh...as much as Eli wanted to avoid telling Macy altogether, she deserved to know. Especially considering Eli thought he was acting in her best interest. Her knight - or whatever bullshit explanation he was riding.

“I - um. Yelled at Tut...for a long time. I was really mad.” 

A quick glance at Macy’s face told Eli that she was not expecting that answer. Despite the tiredness to them, her eyes widened. 

“You...yelled at him? Why were you mad?” Macy asked, genuinely concerned. 

“I thought that Tut was some horrible manipulator that stirred shit up with us tonight on purpose and ran off.” 

“What made you think that?” Another question from Macy, an added emphasis on “that”. Looked like she didn't gleam the same impression. 

“Y’know, suggesting that game. Tut was the first to toy with your feelings in front of Tim, then I stupidly joined in. Then the...other supposed feelings he spilled. Oh, and that...um, make-out of yours. Though I guess you wouldn't be too bothered by that one. But I sure was.” Eli finished, a little annoyed having to recall  _ that  _ scene again.

He hoped that Macy wouldn't read too far into his latest explanation, as it told way more about his feelings under a microscope than he should have let on.

Macy thought about everything for a second, her hand cupped her chin as she analyzed what had just been relayed to her with a new lens. 

“Yeah, I can see why you'd think that far. I’m pissed at him still, but I guess I kinda forgot about the specific role he played after we made out. But - wait, how much of that did you catch?” 

“All of it.” 

Macy’s face flushed.

“Huh…uh-huh...great. Thanks for dropping in.” She sarcastically remarked, hoping to turn it against Eli.

To Macy's advantage, it worked - Eli was already on the defense. But at least she didn't notice his cues from earlier.

“Look, me and Tim were worried you were actually gonna kill the poor dude! Can't blame us for trying to avoid a murder.” 

Suddenly, Macy’s expression dropped.

“Wait. You said Tim.”

“Yeah? Oh.”

Macy began looking awfully conflicted, perhaps assuming that her chances with Tim were as good as gone now. What’s the best friend way to deal with this again? 

“Don't worry, I think he liked the show.” Eli added, hoping it'd ease her fears a bit.

“You don't know anything, dickweed.” She gritted.

“No, seriously, you should have seen the look on his face. He was REALLY red. And then he acted weird for a few minutes, hiding behind me for some re-”

“...oh.” Eli finished, suddenly fitting the now obvious answer into place. 

_ That makes so much more sense now.  _

“H-holy shit,” Macy laughed, embarrassed out of her mind, “no way. Oh my fucking God.” Her body curled, unable to keep eye contact as  _ that _ realization just hit her like a pile of bricks.

Macy...laughed! At Tim’s very flustered expense, but, he wasn't here right now. And honestly? It might do him some good with their relationship. So long as Tim doesn't know - win win. Eli couldn't help but smile in turn, overjoyed Macy was no longer so strictly upset, even for a few moments. 

In Tim’s defense, Eli was wet too. His just wasn't as obvious.

Macy continued to laugh under her breath, clearly astonished at the revelation. Perhaps even flattered, as she should be.

Soon the moment had drawn to a close, leaving the two in an odd post-laughter-fit silence. Eli wasn't too sure what to talk about until he suddenly recalled a memory of himself and Macy, just like this. It came out of him instantly with no filter process in the slightest.

“Hey, Macy,” Eli chuckled in between words, “do you remember that one time Mitch got stung by a hornet and convinced him that he was gonna mutate into one?” 

Macy let out a snort as soon as the memory came into view. 

“HA! Oh my GOD, yeah. We made him cry.” 

“Oh yeah, wow. He never cries now. Weird to think about to be honest…” Eli remarked.

“Though he was kinda a crybaby way back when...fuck, when was that? Third grade?” 

“Geez, I dunno. Forever ago. It's hard to believe Mitch used to be like that...now he's just emo.” 

Macy crossed her arms and leaned forward across the coffee table.

“Pff, like you're one to talk. You're quite emo yourself, especially as of late.” She chirped, venom apparent in her tone. She still seemed upset. 

“What? No I'm not.” Eli pouted, hoping this was some sort of joke to play on the comedic mood.

Macy offered an incredulous look, prompting Eli to actually think about why she had accused him. After a few seconds of recalling the entire night's events for what felt like the billionth time, Eli realized just what Macy was getting at. 

“Okay, okay, I stand corrected. I’m sorry.” Eli conceded, his head drooped downwards towards his chest and hands raised up in defeat.

Macy righteously smiled, sitting back to the couch, arms still crossed.

“Yeah, finally you admit it. What’s up with you?” Macy's simple question dug incredibly deep, farther than she could ever expect.

What’s up with him...God, Eli wasn’t sure himself most of the time. He shuffled in his seat as if to bless him with another moment to come up with some sort of excuse, explanation, anything. Perhaps being honest was the best way to communicate here.

“I wish I could explain, honestly, but sometimes I don't even know. But I do know that I really hate being like this. I’m...trying to be better. Tonight was a wake-up call.” Eli sighed, hoping that sent his remorse across - along with some other feelings of his. 

“Huh,” Macy thought, seeming partly satisfied, “wake-up call for you?” 

“Uh...yeah. It’s just ruining my relationships with people I love so much. I need to get myself together. I hope you can forgive me...” 

Macy thought about it for a moment, her head slightly turned to avoid eye contact. This was typical for serious conversations with her - she didn't bode well with talking about feely stuff like this. 

“...I guess so. But you like, owe me still.” Macy muttered, unsure of the specific terms she was placing on Eli. 

“How can I make it up to you, then?” Eli questioned, eager for some sort of hint to speed along the process.

Macy threw her hands up.

“I dunno! Surprise me. You should know me, right?”

After a few seconds of silence, Eli spoke.

“Can I...sit next to you up there?”

“If you want to.” Macy grumbled, arms still crossed. 

Eli did just that, rising to his feet and awkwardly settling on the couch next to her - with a reasonable amount of distance of course. Not as close as they usually were, but, Eli shouldn't push it. He couldn't believe how much he was able to repair thus far and should be grateful Macy was even talking to him right now, or staying in this room at all. 

“Remember when you moved in?” 

“Dude, that just happened this summer.”

“Yeah, but, do you  _ remember  _ it.” Eli repeated.

“I remember. You set up speakers around the apartment and blasted my favourite albums as we were furnishing the place with my belongings. I’ll never forget that. Are you like, questioning me or something? You know I have a bad memory.” 

Eli shook his hands to deter blame. 

“No! Of course not. I just...miss you.”

“You miss me? But we live together.” 

“I know, but, I just haven't felt as far away from you as I ever have before, even though I’m so lucky to live with my best friend -” Eli halted.

“Uh, if you still consider me that.” He added. 

“Pfft. Of course I do, dumbass. You're just on thin ice right now.” Macy...reassured? Threatenly.

Eli let out a massive sigh of relief, alleviating a majority of the stress he had placed himself under that night. He could've sworn he could tear up at any moment. Macy seemed to notice it too.

“Dude, are you good?” Macy asked, clearly confused.

“I am now.” Eli replied, his eyes welling. 

“Jesus, I don't think I’ve ever seen you this emotional since I watched you play Nier.” 

Eli could only sniffle a nod in response. His legs had been brought tightly to his chest, arms wrapped around as his hands rested comfortably under his elbows. 

“What about when I would pick you up from your rugby games and we’d get sushi? Or smoothies, or whatever you were in the mood for.” Eli asked.

Macy chuckled.

“Hah, yeah, and I didn't even have any time to clean myself up either, so I was in full gear with mud and blood all over my face.” 

“And when we would stay up all night playing collect-a-thons on Friday nights after school?” Eli recalled again.

“My dad was SO MAD. He would go into my room to call us in for breakfast and we weren't even there, dead asleep on top of each other in the living room.” 

The two had engaged into a well-deserved trip down memory lane, with Eli eager to spit out any timeless recollection of his and Macy’s adventures as soon as they flooded back to mind. The uncertain air in the room had quickly been replaced by a glow of laughter. Eli still sat with his legs cupped to his chest, however he had somehow managed to scoot himself oh so closer as he lunged his upper body towards Macy in his excited callbacks. Macy too had a shift in demeanour, her body noticeably more relaxed, yet stiffer as she couldn't help but burst into laughter, digging up faded memories. 

Soon the two were so close in physical distance they could hug with minimal effort - a thought which Eli definitely didn't wish for. Don't push it!

Eli wiped his eyes with a fist.

“How's that ice now?” 

“Huh? Oh. It's thicker.” Macy replied, a small smile curving. Her voice was on the brighter side this time around. 

“Does that mean I'm on thick ice now? Can we skate on it?” Eli teased, his smile couldn't help but shine through. 

“Hah. Maybe. But don't yell at me if you fall through.” 

“You'd leave me to die?” Eli asked, a fake sad tone in his voice. 

“What? Of course I would. Duh.” Macy sarcastically remarked. 

The two let out a small laugh at their usual banter, which had become unusually rare. 

Eli wasn't quite sure what he should do, but he knew deep in his heart that he needed to keep this train going as long as he could. More and more small memories came to mind. Eli, unable to stop himself, recalled them all in a frenzy.

“Do you remember visiting the aquarium?”

“Or all the videos we’d make?” 

“And when I begged you to come to my prom?” Eli rattled enthusiastically.

“Whoa - yeah, I told you to fuck off though cus’ I hate parties.” Macy added in between Eli’s breaths.

This back and forth would continue as Eli named off any memory he could with Macy adding her personal details, a broken rhythm only they could sing. 

“When we’d all go to the beach,”

“I threw sand at you and you cried.” 

“Or trash Wal-marts,”

“We almost got arrested once.” 

“See who could eat the most,”

“I won every time.”

“Tried baking at godawful hours of the night…”

“For you, maybe.” 

_ So then, Macy, can you remember the moment I fell in love with you? _

No...he shouldn't.

“You're being really weird.” 

“I'm fine. Sorry. Just...excited.” Eli sighed, suddenly remembering his place. 

“Ssssuuuree.” Macy slurred, joining her response into a genuine yawn and obnoxious stretch. 

Eli felt his enthusiasm drop - Macy was long tired. That quick boost of energy from the meal from earlier and their fun little conversation seemed to have worn Macy down quick. He knew she could get very irritated when she was kept awake, but Eli couldn't help but wish the two could just talk all night long. This was the closest he had gotten to Macy in weeks - how could he just let her go? Eli wanted more. 

But...he can't have that. Eli knew deep in his heart what “more” truly meant, and he had burned that bridge long before he had realized it. 

He had to let go. 

“You should sleep.” Eli suggested, a soft tone in his voice. 

Macy snuggled back into the couch in response, an abundance of small, tired noises escaping her as she replied.

“Yeah. I will.” 

“Are you...uh, okay now? Is there anything I can do?” 

“Mm, I'm alright. I think you did a pretty good job.” 

“I...did?” Eli blinked in surprise. 

“Yeah. I guess I missed you too.” Macy muttered. 

Hearing Macy admit that was music to Eli’s ears. He was beyond happy. Even if he had to let Macy go in “that” way, their bond would remain inseparable. As long as Eli would move on, that is. For real this time. 

Macy clumsily brought herself to stand, her exhaustion completely obvious, now. She began to take a few steps before she stopped, turning to face Eli who had remained seated on the couch. 

“You're not coming?” She tiredly asked. 

“I’m gonna hang out here for a bit. I need to clean up, too.” 

“Ah, ‘kay, whatever.” Macy waved, continuing her pace towards the hallway. 

Eli would have gotten up in turn to collect the dishes before he noticed Macy’s movements begin to slow again as she gripped her doorknob. 

“Actually, Eli?” 

“Yeah?”

“...I’m sorry too. Thanks for being cool.” 

Before Eli could even think of a response, Macy had swiftly escaped into her room and gently shut the door behind her. He could only guess as to what must be going through her head, only hoping she was now happy. He let his body fall swiftly back into the couch, releasing a long sigh. 

Tonight was...surely something, wasn't it? It was insane, that's all Eli could describe it as. But no matter how fucked the night was, he wouldn't trade it for the world. Every little thing had come together to shape this exact moment. Even all of Eli’s mistakes. They were important too, lest he learned from them.

And learned he did. At least, he surely believed so. Unravelling his complicated, frustrated and pent up history of feelings with Macy was so much more difficult than he thought. Each section of the night somehow tested some new aspect of his feelings that Eli had never confronted before. 

Is that what tonight was, some excruciating test? Eli could only hope that he had passed. After all, what was a better ending than this? Okay, let's be real. Eli knew what the  _ best  _ ending would be. He had been dreaming of it longer than he could remember. Was that truly realistic? After all, perhaps they were supposed to be like this from the start.

But no matter what he told himself, Eli still couldn’t quite wrap his head around...

_ “Huh? Macy's totally into you. Has been for a while. You didn't notice? Ohh she didn't tell you...”  _

_ “I HATE YOU BOTH SO MUCH! YOU’RE RUINING ME!” _

Did she, really? Was Tut actually onto something? And Macy’s response...was so full of betrayal. It stung.

If Macy really was…“totally into him”, (Eli flushed at the thought), then why was she so different conveying her supposed feelings compared to her very obvious attraction to Tim? Ugh. Eli draped his arm over his head in frustration. 

Eli’s brain had enough thinking for one day. All he knew, with absolute certainty, was that he needed to let Macy do her thing. She deserved someone who would be honest with their feelings, not some dipshit who expected her to pick up on their ten year subtleties. Eli had a long and arduous history with shoving down his feelings in hope they'd just “go away”, but perhaps that had encouraged them to fester further, in hindsight. No matter what Macy’s future would hold, Eli was determined to offer his unwavering support every chance he could. Even if that was suggesting cool outfits to impress Tim, taking their photos, lending an ear to her excited gushing. 

But...

If one day, Macy had told him she was available, Eli would be at her door - ready to let it all out once and for all. 

And it’d be okay if that day never came. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...thank you for making it to the end. I left the ending open for all their relationships to continue to develop with lots of room for different interpretations.
> 
> If this fic has introduced you to my oc's, I post my oc related illustrations on my instagram @rockmandash2 - now you'll know what they look like! :D
> 
> Start a ship war in the comments.


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